May 30, 2007
Contagious Wear
I've been in Korea long enough to have stopped looking for weird text on people's clothes. When I'm with the right people, it can become a fun pastime to see who can find the funniest t-shirt being worn at the mall. But in many ways I've become desensitized to it.
Today, after talking with a student for ten minutes, I suddenly became aware that her t-shirt -which was bright pink and red with a cute character in the center- had the following written on it "She enjoy making She is a very inordinately Happy Virus".
The 'Happy Virus' part was written in large bubble letters underneath the cute girl character. I don't really know what any of that could mean. While the shirt tells us that the character is a happy virus, I find it more strange that she is an inordinately happy virus. What a word to use.
Look out people! This girl is overly happy and excessively infectious.
Today, after talking with a student for ten minutes, I suddenly became aware that her t-shirt -which was bright pink and red with a cute character in the center- had the following written on it "She enjoy making She is a very inordinately Happy Virus".
The 'Happy Virus' part was written in large bubble letters underneath the cute girl character. I don't really know what any of that could mean. While the shirt tells us that the character is a happy virus, I find it more strange that she is an inordinately happy virus. What a word to use.
Look out people! This girl is overly happy and excessively infectious.
May 28, 2007
Quadrilogy of the Remakes: At Wit's End
Recently I've watched two of the giant mega-hyped summer movies of the year. I'm talking about Spiderman 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. While both movies were running over with special effects and high octane flaming-school bus-through-a-fireworks-factory grade action sequences, I left both of them feeling a little disappointed.
I think the biggest problem is that both movies shove tons of new characters and excessive plot down our throats. Neither movie handles this very well. They are both third installments in highly successful action trilogies, so it's like both are trying to wrap up an overload of plot lines and create some finality to the dozens of characters. Yet, the sad thing is, neither film feels like a conclusion. I know for certain that right now, fourth movies are being pushed for each franchise, and they will be made.
Why? Because people just want to make money. You look at the movies being made today and it's obvious that well over 50 percent of the films are all sequels, prequels, remakes, re-imaginings, reinventions, and similar unoriginal junk. And if something new and interesting is ever successful, it'll be milked to death. Clusters of sequels filmed all at once will be released in rapid succession every summer, with rushed scripts and numerous rewritings.
And it shows.
The third Pirates movie was spectacular to see (I want to see it again just to enjoy the visuals and action again), but I really had to strain myself for three hours to piece together the plot and the motivations of the characters. I dare anyone coming out of the theatre to convey the story to a stranger in under thirty minutes and answer all their confused questions.
A little extra care and polish and I think these two movies could have been something special. I see a lot of money on the screen, but not a lot of thought. But I guess that's fine for Hollywood. Churning out high-grossing sloppily made sequels leaves you with tons of cash and time. Just what you need to make more sequels.
I think the biggest problem is that both movies shove tons of new characters and excessive plot down our throats. Neither movie handles this very well. They are both third installments in highly successful action trilogies, so it's like both are trying to wrap up an overload of plot lines and create some finality to the dozens of characters. Yet, the sad thing is, neither film feels like a conclusion. I know for certain that right now, fourth movies are being pushed for each franchise, and they will be made.
Why? Because people just want to make money. You look at the movies being made today and it's obvious that well over 50 percent of the films are all sequels, prequels, remakes, re-imaginings, reinventions, and similar unoriginal junk. And if something new and interesting is ever successful, it'll be milked to death. Clusters of sequels filmed all at once will be released in rapid succession every summer, with rushed scripts and numerous rewritings.
And it shows.
The third Pirates movie was spectacular to see (I want to see it again just to enjoy the visuals and action again), but I really had to strain myself for three hours to piece together the plot and the motivations of the characters. I dare anyone coming out of the theatre to convey the story to a stranger in under thirty minutes and answer all their confused questions.
A little extra care and polish and I think these two movies could have been something special. I see a lot of money on the screen, but not a lot of thought. But I guess that's fine for Hollywood. Churning out high-grossing sloppily made sequels leaves you with tons of cash and time. Just what you need to make more sequels.
May 25, 2007
Mitch & Roland: #20 Crush
Well here we are at the twentieth weekend with Mitch and Roland. Good times, good times. For those of you wondering about these guys and their zombie adventure, I swear I haven't forgotten. After putting together the first three parts in rapid succession, I decided to take a little break, but now I'm back into my living dead groove, and you can expect the next installment in a week.
Anyway, this comic is about forbidden love.
Anyway, this comic is about forbidden love.
May 23, 2007
May 22, 2007
May 20, 2007
Compare and Contrast: Water Closet Edition
Here is a list of some ways that Korean washrooms are different from ones way way back in Canada.
1) Many home bathrooms don't really have a bathtub or shower area, but instead you'll just find a shower nozzle sticking out of the wall and a drain in the middle of the floor. It took me a while, but I'm finally used to having the toilet and everything else getting soaked when I shower.
2) Public washrooms sometimes don't have toilet paper in the individual stalls. Instead it's kept on a dispensing roll on the wall of the bathroom, or even outside the bathroom completely. This can be hazardous to those not familiar with that setup. I break out in a sweat if I encounter an empty cardboard tube, but to find nothing at all is just puzzling. Wouldn't you begin to question the situation entirely? I can imagine a stunned man running his hands along the bare stall walls. Is this a restroom? Oh Jesus, have I just defecated in a janitor's sink?
Also, I figure the reason for that placement is to save from wasting paper and money. Just take what you need and that's all, right? But wouldn't most people take a lot just in case? That's not something you want to miscalculate and then crab-walk out into the hall to rectify. Pun intended.
3) I noticed a few public washrooms don't have a liquid soap dispensers, but instead have a clump of soap impaled on a metal rod sticking out of the wall. That's not a bad idea or anything, but if you have my childish sense of humour you'll understand why I crack up watching someone 'manhandle' a slippery phallic mass on a pole to soap their hands.
4) I've found a few washrooms with hand dryers that actually work. That's a big deal. I hate those hand dryers stuck up on the wall wheezing out cool air that does nothing. They're always placed high on the wall so as you "dry" your hands water dribbles up your arms getting your sleeves wet. Damn it. But anyway, there are excellent ones here mounted on the wall at waist level. You dunk your hands into them and they blast the water off in a few seconds. I'd like to get one for my house. I'd use it all the time to dry dishes.
5) Although I've never used them, many public washrooms have "hole in the floor" style toilets you squat over. I'm not worried about my aim, my legs giving out, or slipping on a wet floor (well, actually, I'd worry about all those things) but I think I'll just avoid using them completely. It's just a bit too 'lost in the woods' for my liking.
I find it interesting that washrooms will sometimes offer both standard and squatter toilets. Do some people prefer to squat? Is it a like a challenge; a test of physical efficiency? The way some Koreans exercise, I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe the standard toilets are intended for the handicapped?
How weak I must look walking into a "Sitter" with an armful of toilet paper.
1) Many home bathrooms don't really have a bathtub or shower area, but instead you'll just find a shower nozzle sticking out of the wall and a drain in the middle of the floor. It took me a while, but I'm finally used to having the toilet and everything else getting soaked when I shower.
2) Public washrooms sometimes don't have toilet paper in the individual stalls. Instead it's kept on a dispensing roll on the wall of the bathroom, or even outside the bathroom completely. This can be hazardous to those not familiar with that setup. I break out in a sweat if I encounter an empty cardboard tube, but to find nothing at all is just puzzling. Wouldn't you begin to question the situation entirely? I can imagine a stunned man running his hands along the bare stall walls. Is this a restroom? Oh Jesus, have I just defecated in a janitor's sink?
Also, I figure the reason for that placement is to save from wasting paper and money. Just take what you need and that's all, right? But wouldn't most people take a lot just in case? That's not something you want to miscalculate and then crab-walk out into the hall to rectify. Pun intended.
3) I noticed a few public washrooms don't have a liquid soap dispensers, but instead have a clump of soap impaled on a metal rod sticking out of the wall. That's not a bad idea or anything, but if you have my childish sense of humour you'll understand why I crack up watching someone 'manhandle' a slippery phallic mass on a pole to soap their hands.
4) I've found a few washrooms with hand dryers that actually work. That's a big deal. I hate those hand dryers stuck up on the wall wheezing out cool air that does nothing. They're always placed high on the wall so as you "dry" your hands water dribbles up your arms getting your sleeves wet. Damn it. But anyway, there are excellent ones here mounted on the wall at waist level. You dunk your hands into them and they blast the water off in a few seconds. I'd like to get one for my house. I'd use it all the time to dry dishes.
5) Although I've never used them, many public washrooms have "hole in the floor" style toilets you squat over. I'm not worried about my aim, my legs giving out, or slipping on a wet floor (well, actually, I'd worry about all those things) but I think I'll just avoid using them completely. It's just a bit too 'lost in the woods' for my liking.
I find it interesting that washrooms will sometimes offer both standard and squatter toilets. Do some people prefer to squat? Is it a like a challenge; a test of physical efficiency? The way some Koreans exercise, I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe the standard toilets are intended for the handicapped?
How weak I must look walking into a "Sitter" with an armful of toilet paper.
May 18, 2007
May 16, 2007
May 14, 2007
May 11, 2007
One Small Step for Man's Best Friend
I was having some students do a simple writing exercise today, as is the procedure for Fridays, and I spent much of the class reading over and helping them correct their writing. The assignment was to write a short (incredibly brief) story using a list of characters (robot, dog, student, etc) and settings (moon, forest, shopping mall, etc) that I'd given them.
I read over the girls' stories, which were cute and adorned with little pictures, and then checked to see if Jack had finished his tale. Jack is the only boy in the class and he usually seems generally unimpressed and uninteresting in anything I have to say. I asked him if he had finished the story and he held up his sheet of paper drowsily. Here is his entire story, verbatim:
"One day a small dog the moon play. Leg hurt. So died."
I think you can agree that it is a moving piece of writing. It brings up many questions. What was this dog doing on the moon? How did it hurt its leg? Is that what resulted in its unfortunate death?
And what does 'So died' really mean? Is it like "and so, as a result, the dog died", or does 'so' mean 'extremely', as in "The dog so totally died right then".
I like to imagine that this story takes place in a future where travel to the moon is commonplace, and humans have begun living and working there in small communities. Perhaps animals, with the aid of technology, are now more like humans. They've acquired a human like consciousness, an intelligence that is controlled by a small chip implanted in the animals' body.
But this technology is frowned on my many people. Is it ethical? Is it playing God? Perhaps the whole process had been outlawed on earth, so the only place to turn was our moon. Yeah, that's it! The moon had become home to rogue scientists who tamper with animal brains and cover monkeys with make-up by the thousands.
Then one day, a small semi-intelligent dog who longs for freedom, escapes his tiny lab cage and escapes the facility. Making his way into a large domed area of the moon's surface, the dog begins to run about, enjoying the simple pleasure of playing outdoors.
Sadly, he runs too fast and too hard, damaging the intelligence chip that had been implanted in his hind leg. The shattered remnants of the chip enter his bloodstream and it's already too late. The final thoughts to pass through his brain are broken and incomplete: Leg hurt.
Then the dog sooo totally died.
I read over the girls' stories, which were cute and adorned with little pictures, and then checked to see if Jack had finished his tale. Jack is the only boy in the class and he usually seems generally unimpressed and uninteresting in anything I have to say. I asked him if he had finished the story and he held up his sheet of paper drowsily. Here is his entire story, verbatim:
"One day a small dog the moon play. Leg hurt. So died."
I think you can agree that it is a moving piece of writing. It brings up many questions. What was this dog doing on the moon? How did it hurt its leg? Is that what resulted in its unfortunate death?
And what does 'So died' really mean? Is it like "and so, as a result, the dog died", or does 'so' mean 'extremely', as in "The dog so totally died right then".
I like to imagine that this story takes place in a future where travel to the moon is commonplace, and humans have begun living and working there in small communities. Perhaps animals, with the aid of technology, are now more like humans. They've acquired a human like consciousness, an intelligence that is controlled by a small chip implanted in the animals' body.
But this technology is frowned on my many people. Is it ethical? Is it playing God? Perhaps the whole process had been outlawed on earth, so the only place to turn was our moon. Yeah, that's it! The moon had become home to rogue scientists who tamper with animal brains and cover monkeys with make-up by the thousands.
Then one day, a small semi-intelligent dog who longs for freedom, escapes his tiny lab cage and escapes the facility. Making his way into a large domed area of the moon's surface, the dog begins to run about, enjoying the simple pleasure of playing outdoors.
Sadly, he runs too fast and too hard, damaging the intelligence chip that had been implanted in his hind leg. The shattered remnants of the chip enter his bloodstream and it's already too late. The final thoughts to pass through his brain are broken and incomplete: Leg hurt.
Then the dog sooo totally died.
May 9, 2007
Colour Comeback
Thanks to my brother we can once again bask in the technicolor dreams and cosmic brilliance of vibrant real-life colours. If you missed earlier colourings, I suggest you check it out. But for now, BEHOLD!
May 7, 2007
May 4, 2007
May 3, 2007
May 2, 2007
This is going on my resume...
At the hagwon (private English academy) where I work there are four classrooms. The door to classroom #1 had been giving everyone trouble. Some real door shenanigans: not closing properly, sticking, and such. I think I saw it flip off a little girl one day, but it may have been just a trick of the light. Today it decided to show off and fuse itself wholly with the door frame and trap an unsuspecting teacher and student inside.
For forty-five minutes or more my boss and I tried desperately to open the door, but nothing was working. We passed tools back and forth under the door to the trapped teacher, but she was unable to release the latching mechanism. My boss called some locksmiths but none were able to come right away, so I continued the struggle. Something had completely busted inside the handle and had left the door in a permanent locked state, so we were left with no other choice. My boss gave me the word to break the doorknob off.
"I guess you should break the doorknob off." He said.
I nodded in agreement, setting down my metal pick and retrieving a hammer. I unscrewed the shank washer and moved it back to reveal a small gap. Then I jammed a slotted screwdriver in there and wailed on it with the hammer until the knob fell off. Next I tore out the knob rose and spindle with some pliers. You'll have to forgive me, I don't know the proper doorknob terminology, but there were more parts inside than I had expected.
So I ripped out the turbine and the gearshift. Springs, cogs, and 22 feet of fiber optic cable flew left and right. I think a piston broke off and was punctured by the dipstick. So, I'm covered with hydraulic fluid and sweat, but this damn door ain't budging. Finally the locksmith shows up to take over.
"It's all yours, " I said to him, stepping aside. "But be careful. She's a moody one."
The repairman worked at the door for another ten minutes before he could finally tear the latch free of the wall with huge pliers, as if it were some terrible infected giant's tooth. At last the teacher and student were free, and life could continue as normal.
So, I just wanted to share that with you because it was an interesting part of my day. It isn't often that someone asks me to break something (especially at work) but I'm always eager to comply. Way back in high school some friends and I had the opportunity to demolish an old broken clothes dryer for the purposes of disposal. It was a fun time, and I would recommend it as good afternoon activity. Not just because it brings friends together and provides exercise, but because you're likely to find a lot of lost coins inside.
This summer you should take a page from the short story "The Destructors" and plan a demolition event with those you love. I'm sure you know someone with a car they aren't using. Or how about some old porch, a rusted swing set, or just a sofa that the cat peed on. But if you can't plan a big outdoor Smash-Off, I'm certain you can find one door that's being a real dick.
For forty-five minutes or more my boss and I tried desperately to open the door, but nothing was working. We passed tools back and forth under the door to the trapped teacher, but she was unable to release the latching mechanism. My boss called some locksmiths but none were able to come right away, so I continued the struggle. Something had completely busted inside the handle and had left the door in a permanent locked state, so we were left with no other choice. My boss gave me the word to break the doorknob off.
"I guess you should break the doorknob off." He said.
I nodded in agreement, setting down my metal pick and retrieving a hammer. I unscrewed the shank washer and moved it back to reveal a small gap. Then I jammed a slotted screwdriver in there and wailed on it with the hammer until the knob fell off. Next I tore out the knob rose and spindle with some pliers. You'll have to forgive me, I don't know the proper doorknob terminology, but there were more parts inside than I had expected.
So I ripped out the turbine and the gearshift. Springs, cogs, and 22 feet of fiber optic cable flew left and right. I think a piston broke off and was punctured by the dipstick. So, I'm covered with hydraulic fluid and sweat, but this damn door ain't budging. Finally the locksmith shows up to take over.
"It's all yours, " I said to him, stepping aside. "But be careful. She's a moody one."
The repairman worked at the door for another ten minutes before he could finally tear the latch free of the wall with huge pliers, as if it were some terrible infected giant's tooth. At last the teacher and student were free, and life could continue as normal.
So, I just wanted to share that with you because it was an interesting part of my day. It isn't often that someone asks me to break something (especially at work) but I'm always eager to comply. Way back in high school some friends and I had the opportunity to demolish an old broken clothes dryer for the purposes of disposal. It was a fun time, and I would recommend it as good afternoon activity. Not just because it brings friends together and provides exercise, but because you're likely to find a lot of lost coins inside.
This summer you should take a page from the short story "The Destructors" and plan a demolition event with those you love. I'm sure you know someone with a car they aren't using. Or how about some old porch, a rusted swing set, or just a sofa that the cat peed on. But if you can't plan a big outdoor Smash-Off, I'm certain you can find one door that's being a real dick.
May 1, 2007
Howling Homemakers
Today I was crippled with laughter over a slight mispronunciation. It was my last class of the day and I was going over some questions with a small class of students. I was asking about their parents' jobs and a girl let me know that her mother was a housewolf.
I totally lost it. I guess since I was exhausted and my guard was down.
The images that flashed in my brain when she said it was a mix of some large wolf running around a living room's coffee table, and a werewolf type creature wearing an apron. It's a wonderfully ridiculous idea.
"Hey, come on in. Dinner will be ready any moment."
"Cool. Sorry I'm late. There was traffic and - Holy shit! Is that a wolf!?"
"Oh don't mind her. She's just our housewolf."
"A what!!!?"
"A housewolf. You know, for maintaining order, and frightening away hoodlums."
I have a question. Why have there been no decent movies about werewolves? I've talked about this with friends many times before, and it seems like every movie where a werewolf takes center stage ends up being pretty terrible. We've got some excellent vampire movies, and some tremendous zombie movies, but what about the werewolf? The Howling, An American Werewolf in London/Paris, Teen Wolf, Wolf, Ginger Snaps, Underworld, Van Helsing, Cursed, etc. All these movies are pretty boring or crappy. None of them truly capture the coolness of werewolves, which I still fully believe exists.
Anyway, until the day comes when a stellar lycanthrope story hits theatres, I'll be waiting. I do plan to obtain a housewolf to entertain me in the meantime.
I totally lost it. I guess since I was exhausted and my guard was down.
The images that flashed in my brain when she said it was a mix of some large wolf running around a living room's coffee table, and a werewolf type creature wearing an apron. It's a wonderfully ridiculous idea.
"Hey, come on in. Dinner will be ready any moment."
"Cool. Sorry I'm late. There was traffic and - Holy shit! Is that a wolf!?"
"Oh don't mind her. She's just our housewolf."
"A what!!!?"
"A housewolf. You know, for maintaining order, and frightening away hoodlums."
I have a question. Why have there been no decent movies about werewolves? I've talked about this with friends many times before, and it seems like every movie where a werewolf takes center stage ends up being pretty terrible. We've got some excellent vampire movies, and some tremendous zombie movies, but what about the werewolf? The Howling, An American Werewolf in London/Paris, Teen Wolf, Wolf, Ginger Snaps, Underworld, Van Helsing, Cursed, etc. All these movies are pretty boring or crappy. None of them truly capture the coolness of werewolves, which I still fully believe exists.
Anyway, until the day comes when a stellar lycanthrope story hits theatres, I'll be waiting. I do plan to obtain a housewolf to entertain me in the meantime.
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