Gotta Hide 'Em All

For about thirteen years Pokemon has absorbed money via the population's youth (what? thirteen years...I feel old), with something like almost 500 ridiculous creatures to collect or face ridicule. Now with that introduction out of the way, here are the top five rejected Pokemon and a little info on why they were never allowed to capture your hearts.

Spewachu- Game developers realized that it was becoming repetitive for all the Pokemon to simply shout out their species name as their only means of communication. By creating Spewachu it was hoped to also appeal to children and their love of gross things. The creature never spoke but could only make gurgling noises, choking sounds, and gags. It's only attack was spitting up all over itself and crying. Unfortunately the majority of kids shown early animation and sketches were offended, and the project was scrapped.

Sonimite- In 1999 the franchise introduced a small creature that had astounding hearing and shrieking abilities. The only problem was that it's amazing hearing cause it to scream out in alarm constantly, and those screams of alarm caused it to cry out in terror all the more. In short, the Pokemon never shut up. It appeared in one episode of the show and the film was promptly burned afterwards.

Digliosaur- An early design for an evolved form of Diglett, the Digliosaur would attack other Pokemon and trainers by traveling through the ground underneath them and then bursting out of the ground and screaming "You like it like that!!!?". Parents quickly complained stating that the character appeared to be raping the other creatures. Nintendo tried to deny such claims but couldn't argue that Digliosaur also looked "too much like a wang".

Crabipod- A cross between a blowfish and sea urchin, this smarmy Pokemon is identified as being the first one to have 'attitude'. In early 2001 Nintendo was trying to shake the childish image of the franchise and attract an older audience by introducing Crabipod. The strange quiet Pokemon was known for refusing to fight other Pokemon, spitting, and constantly giving the finger. The character was pulled 72 hours after its release.

Shardmuncher- This winged half vulture frog appeared as a secret character in the Pokemon Crimson and Turquoise game editions, was not only voted as the ugliest Pokemon ever, but also singlehandedly cost Nintendo the most money in lawsuits. Even to this day the character designers refuse to admit that it promotes the idea to children that eating broken glass is fun.

It Makes a Great Gift/ Coaster

The best way to make money is to confuse your customer because ignorance = profit. Why?

Well, I feel that Pixar is one of the finest teams of people making films these days, and the quality and care of each of their projects is unmatched even by Disney's own efforts. I know Disney owns Pixar now, but if they didn't, movies like "Home on the Range" would be their 'big' animation features. And if that was the case, then I submit that the Disney Magic is nearly dead.

But anyway, all this is to get to the point that there have been some spectacularly popular animated features in recent years and it has of course lead to knock-offs.

As I perused the DVD section of my local everything store I noticed a DVD for a computer animated movie about a rat that is a genius in the kitchen; a movie called "Ratatoing".

Ratatoing?!

Holy lack of effort, Batman. These people didn't even try to mask this blatant rip off. It's amazing how these things even come into existence. As far as I can tell, a movie like that is aiming to be bought by three groups of people. Here they are in order of least to most likely to purchase:

- People who have seen and were delighted by the original film and now have a hankering to watch a shoddy duplicate that looks as if it were animated by a team of seventh graders or prisoners.

-People who realize the DVD is a cheap remake and honestly believe it will fool their kids.

-People who think they are buying "Ratatouille".

It's this last and most likely group that concerns me, because I've seen this stuff for years. I can't count the number of times I've dug around in a discount bin of movies and discovered a copy of "The Wee Mermaid" or "The King Lion" or "Snow White and her Seven Dwarf-like Companions". It's just a waste of material and effort, and it's preying upon stupid parents who don't know any better.

This sort of thing happens in the gaming industry as well. For every great game there are 50-60 horrible games that should never be purchased. The only reason those games sell at all is because they contain words like awesome, pirate, and turbo. You'd better believe a game called "Awesome Turbo Pirates" will be a hit. I really feel bad for the kids who begged their parents for a specific game for months and ended up unwrapping "Math Ninja" on Christmas morning. It breaks my heart.

The Changing Face of Communication

It's startling to think of how much cellphones had progressed in the last ten to fifteen years. In the past only the richest yuppies could afford them, and now every Tom, Dick, and Harry are doing three way calling.

I've never been one to keep up with the technological advances of cellphones, which do everything but simply make calls, but I figured it was time to take a look at the big picture and see how communication has developed throughout history.

Year of the Eight

Happy New Year to ye all, especially to my cowgirl. I hope everyone had a liquor-iffic time while counting down the final minutes of 2007. All in all, it was a good year: good food, good times, good laughs.

Not only is this a brand new year, it also marks the one year anniversary of this blog. Hooray for writing and drawing random junk!

So here's to many more years of nonsense via the web. I try to do my small part.

Love you, cowgirl.