How Dare You Question My Hunger!

At no time in Canada have I ever been questioned about food I was purchasing or ordering. Yet it happens with shocking regularity in Korea.

What do I mean? Well, sometimes when I go to a restaurant, coffee shop, or some other distributor of consumables, I get hit with a barrage of questions about my order. Are you sure? Isn't that too much? Are you really going to eat all that? Really!??

With questions like that you'd think I was ordering a metric ton of food. But I'm simply ordering from the menu. I ordered one kimbab roll and a dumpling, and the owner asks me if I think that's too much. When I say no, he comments that I must be very hungry. Another time I ordered two -GASP!- sandwiches from a toast shop and the woman asks me if I was sure I wanted two. I said yes and she warns me that I will be very full. Even after I ate them she suggested that next time I order less.

I mean, honestly, you'd think I'd walked in there and rattled off some unthinkable order:

"Hey there, how ya doin'. Give me forty-two bagels, fifty-eight coffees, all your ice cream, a crate of eggs, a hundred and twenty chicken salads. Hey Ernie! Go get the truck! Where was I ... uh ... can I buy those entire cakes, or do you only sell pieces? Cool. Give me nine cakes. What? Oh, I don't know, mix 'em up and surprise me. Let's see ... thirty liters of chocolate milk, a bucket of ham, and all the sandwiches you can possible make with the ingredients you have at this moment."

But no, I order two sandwiches made with regular slices of bread and the woman practically calls an ambulance. I really can't figure out the reasoning behind this behavior. The strangest part is that it is the person selling me the food that is telling me not to buy so much. Seems counter productive for a business.

"Are you sure you want all that?"

"Hmmm, actually I'm not sure. I think I'll go home instead. Farewell!"

I thought at first it had something to do with me being a foreigner, but then I saw other Koreans being bothered the same way. I saw a guy come into a pizza place and it turned into a interrogation. So you want a pizza? Are there more people coming to join you? No? And you want to eat it here? A whole pizza? By yourself? Really!??

Just give him a pizza!! What the hell is this? If you own a pizza shop, you want people to buy pizza! Why should you give two shits about who will eat it and how? Hungry people are your friend. Hungry people order food. A lot of food. More food than they need, and that's money in your pocket.

You know that look on someones face when they realize they have far more food than they can eat? Koreans must hate that look.

Mitch & Roland: #55 Outfit

Dear Readers,

Are you really going to go out dressed like that?

p.s. No, seriously. Are you? Cause you look like a transvestite hobo.

The Great Ketchup Drought of '09

Recently I bought a hamburger, as I am likely to do, at the Korean version of McDonald's, known as Lotteria. I bought the hamburger set, because a fatty sandwich just isn't enough without greasy potato sticks and sugar water.

When I brought the food to my table I realized they had given me a single ketchup packet. Just one. I went back to the counter, and (in Korean ) politely asked for more ketchup.

The woman handed me one packet.

I gave her the sort of look that said, "You're kidding, right?" I even thought about asking for more again, but I didn't want to seem like some white guy with an unquenchable thirst for ketchup.

I not to sure what the deal is. If I were in Canada they would have flung a fistful of packets at me and life would move on. Is the economy so bad that we have to ration our ketchup now? I know I didn't order a heaping stack of fries, but it must be obvious that one packet is insufficient. It holds like 3 drops of ketchup. Why not give me a few? I'm a big guy, I can take it.

But one? That's a step away from cutting the packet in two and giving me half.

I remember another time when I went to this place called Kraze Burger and decided to splurge on an expensive western style hotdog. The photo on the menu showed a hotdog piled high with sauerkraut and all the trimmings.

When I received the hotdog, it was a desert. So barren I had to ask why there wasn't any sauerkraut as advertised. The employee insisted that it was there, but my eyes told me otherwise. I didn't want to be a dick, but like I said, it was a stupidly expensive hotdog. So they finally succumbed and gave me a dish of "extra" sauerkraut.

How can I describe so little sauerkraut and do it justice? Hmmm, it was like a quarter of a teaspoon. It was like they took a single strand of sauerkraut, divided that in half lengthwise, chopped up the half-strand, and gave me half of what remained.

I was boggled to say the least. Why can't I get some sauerkraut in Korea? Korea's most popular, most recognized food is kimchi, a fermented cabbage side dish. That's what sauerkraut is!! Korea is the king of fermented foods! There are 187 documented varieties of kimchi, and yet these hotdog peddlers are clinging to their kraut like they just opened they last container on earth! I just don't get it.

I want to live in a world where I can over sauce and drench my food in every way I deem necessary! Even if that means asking for more ketchup eight times in a row.

Another Hobby Revealed

And now for something completely different.

Just thought I'd share a video of me rambling about another interest of mine: origami. (Gasp!) Since last winter I've found myself increasingly amused with this pastime, probably because I have the additional time in the evenings, and origami paper is ridiculously cheap in Korea compared to Canada. So I enjoy writing, cartooning, and paper-folding. I'm a triple threat! Mothers, hide your daughters!

So, give the video a look if you're intrigued. Turnipism is all about randomness, and I deliver.

Mitch & Roland: #54 Unsure

Friday was Teachers Day in Korea, so I ended up having a mini-Christmas worth of gifts showered upon me at work. I received a fairly wide ranch of things such as traditional rice cakes, vitamins, flowers, chocolates, cookies, cards, a box of donuts, cell phone accessories, and various knickknacks.

So, everyone have a great weekend, and spend your time wisely. Personally I plan to put my gifts to good use by eating vitamins and donuts together. That way the two forces of nutrition and obesity can battle it out in my body for domination. Will I grow strong, or become ridiculously ill? Stay tuned!

Urine for a Bit of Wait

If you ever hang out for the day shopping with your girlfriend, or some other acquaintance of the female persuasion, then you may find yourself as an escort for numerous and extended washroom visits. I know I do. I have no scientific data to back this up, but based on my observations, women seem to use the washroom more frequently and longer than men do.

FUN FACT! Did you know that a woman's bladder is roughly the size of nothing!

I suppose women have more things to attend to in the washroom, and for men a washroom visit is "all business". Get in, get out, hope you don't make eye contact. There's no time to wash your hands, or check if your junk is still hanging out.

FUN FACT! Did you know that the urinal cake is the cleanest part of the men's washroom. And they're constantly getting pissed on!

Whenever I'm out and about, the women's washroom almost always has a line up. I guess I could chock it up to living in a densely populated city, but the men's washroom never has a line. I never have to wait to use the toilet. The only line up of men to be seen are the guys holding purses, shopping bags, and coats while their girlfriends are using the facilities.

FUN FACT! Did you know that at any given moment, a woman is carrying enough napkins, paper towel, and tissues to soak up every ounce of moisture in her body!

So as a way to make life more convenient for everyone, I suggest that all public washrooms be built so that the women's washroom is two (or three) times larger than the men's washroom. Women don't have to wait in ridiculous lines and risk a bladder rupturing, and men don't have to spend 30% of the day acting as a human coat rack. It's win-win!

FUN FACT! Did you know that women are attracted to taller men because they know that taller guys are more likely to hold a jacket without it dragging on the floor!

Actually, since I've never spent time inside women's washrooms, I can't be sure if it's already larger than the ones for men. Hell, that could be part of the problem. Maybe they all line up and spend so much time because inside they're filled with sofas, tables, hammocks, flower gardens, and coffee shops. It all makes sense now!