Pre-Pre-Christmas Prep

There's snow on the ground and it's beginning to feel like Christmas. You know when it didn't feel like Christmas? The morning after Halloween. But that didn't stop every goddamn store from busting out the holiday decorations and Christmas goods on November 1st. I didn't even have time to blow out the candle on my jack-o-lantern before I was waist deep in colored lights and tinsel.

I love the Mass of Christ as much as the next garland stringin' fool, but I don't need it to last 3 months. It's 12 days of Christmas for a reason.

Speaking of the 12 Days of Christmas, what a lousy song. It's too damn long. How many times have you given up around eight maids a milking because you knew Jingle Bells doesn't require concentration. I'll tell you how many times ... 38. That's a lot. It's like 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall: the Christmas carol.

That is all. Please carry on with your 60+ days of holiday shopping. And to the rest of you, I'll see you at walmart near closing time on Christmas eve.