I'm not calling you fine readers filthy pigs. Not at all. I'm certain each one of you are decent and hygienic people. But as for other people ... egad. What a bunch of disgusting swamp rats.
Why is it that so many people seem incapable of maintaining even basic levels of cleanliness? Doesn't standard bathroom etiquette, as well as plain common sense, tell us that you should wash your hands after you use the toilet? Shouldn't you rinse your key areas before leaving home and putting yourself in close proximity to strangers, friends, and co-workers? Doesn't it mark you as a hateful idiot to throw trash in a drinking fountain, or gum in a urinal?
Every time I use a public washroom I lose a bit more respect for humankind. Just today while I was washing my hands in the bathroom at work, a dude came out of one of the stalls ... and kept on walking out of the washroom without even looking at the soap. That son of bitch, I thought. Even if I wash my hands three times and leave the washroom while carefully avoiding contact with the door handles, there's no way to know what that guy has touched, or will touch, the rest of the day.
You want to know why people get sick? Because all over the world people are taking craps without washing their hands. They touch a chair. You touch a chair. You rub your eyes. Boom! Pink eye.
Also, it's not like I'm a clean freak. I believe you need a little dirt and bacteria in your life to be truly healthy, but there's a limit. Why do I so often walk into bathroom stall and discover that someone had a bad aim? Or that they didn't want to flush the toilet? Or that they decided to drop a whole roll of toilet paper in the bowl? I don't know why! It's completely unnecessary!!
Sadly the filth is hardly restricted to the bathroom. When I was at work I saw something awful. On a table near the window I spied a human nail. Was it a fingernail? I doubt it. This thing had to have been the toenail from the big toe of the dominant foot it was so goddamn big. It was so big and yellow I thought the moon had fallen to earth, and I'm pretty sure two children could have played see-saw on it, and it would have creaked audibly as they did.
Ugh, I think I made myself a little sick.
Tell me I'm the only one who encounters this kind of shit on a regular basis. Please tell me the world is really not filled with such fiends. Because every time I find a wad of wet gum on the underside of desk, I begin to question things. I thought I was working alongside adults with functioning brains, but now I'm not so sure. A public washroom is not a free pass to act like a baboon, and there's no excuse for not taking simple steps to protect the health and comfort of yourself and others.
It's the new year. One more chance to clean up your act.
Maybe I'll see if I can construct more strange food art in the future. But it's going to take lots and lots of delicious research.
