Where have I been, you ask? Oh ... you know, around. I've been staying indoors to avoid the cold and/or pesky human interaction. Yep, these days I've been doing little to no blog posting, infrequent Facebook status updates, and accepting the occasional grocery delivery via message tube so I don't have to look the delivery man in the eyes. I've kept myself occupied with work and fallen off the grid, as is my holiday tradition.Yes, sir, I'm just like a secret agent or loner or something.
I do hope the month has been going well for all of you (except for Glen - he knows what he did). Have you finished your Christmas shopping? Have you even started? Have you called your relatives and made up excuses about why their Christmas cards probably got delayed in the mail, as you stare at a stack of blank holiday cards sitting next to the phone?
Have you placed that order for the turducken, the aged cranberry cheese log, and the shrimp fountain? Have you taken your children to see Santa at the mall, and then wandered off to take pictures of strangers with iPhones at the Apple store? Have you finally convinced that special someone to jingle your bells, deck your halls, mistle your toe, and roast your chestnuts on an open innuendo?
Have you purchased a tree that's been chopped down in it's prime just so you can dress it up like a whore in your living room and discard it in a couple weeks, you monster? Have you purchased a fake tree instead; one made of non-biodegradable plastics and chemicals that will pollute the earth forever after you discard it in a couple years, you monster?
Have you hidden away that important gift in a place she or he would never think to look? Have you made a map so you'll remember where you hid the gift and how to find it? Have you hidden that map as well, and made an additional map to lead you to the original map? Have you locked away the second map and made a third map to find the key to the second map's safe? Have you eaten the third map? Have you rented the x-ray machine?
You have? Well, it looks like someone's ready for Christmas.
