Cine-verse! American Beauty (1999)

**To the tune of The Brady Bunch Theme**

Here's a story of a screwy father

Who really wants to bone his daughter's friend.

He quit his job and now ... wants to get high.

He says he'll be dead in the end.

And here's a story of perfect mother.

Who really wants to be a true success.

She sleeps around and learns ... to shoot a handgun.

Turns out she emotionally a mess.

And here's a story of their really fucked up neighbours.

There's a boy and constant filming is his bag.

His mom is like a robot at the table.

His abusive father is afraid that he's a fag.

American! American! That's the beauty of being American!

8/10

Milestones

This is my 400th post and boy, how the time has flown. I suspect I should be able to get in 10 or 15 more posts before the Giant Space Worm devours us all or whatever it is people are worried the Mayans predicted. I didn't really pay attention during Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Not only that, but I've just finished my 50th list over at Five-O-Rama and it's a doozy. Have a look if you're interested in television and things that are awesome.

Cine-Verse! The Expendables 2 (2012)

Bullets and muscles and who do I see?

Why, it's Willis and Norris and Statham and Li.

Sylvester and Arnold and Dolph and Jean-Claude,

Each one of them a notable action film God.

They mow down the bad guys with showers of lead,

Leaving hundreds and hundreds of nameless foes dead.

They may fight for vengeance, or something like that.

But the story felt empty and personalities flat.

They crack boring jokes about being elite,

And stand around looking like grizzled old meat.

I enjoyed watching legends and stuff blowing up,

But was hoping for more than them just showing up.

7/10