Security with Sizzle

Attack of the Jones

Much to my delight I was able to see the new Indiana Jones movie on the weekend. I was so pumped about witnessing a new adventure that I brought my own whip and lashed a few people on the way in. Don't worry, they were cool about it.

The movie was excited as a whole and certainly an above average action flick but I was disappointed by the use of CGI throughout. I remember reading long ago the Spielberg was going to make this new film with the same sort of "hands on" stunt work and special effects that made the original trilogy so great. But he totally lied.

The CGI is not overused, but it's definitely used throughout. The opening shot of the film is that of a computer generated prairie dog. A prairie dog? C'mon, that's just lazy! I know prairie dogs aren't extinct, it's not like the movie involved one moonwalking in a cape. That sort of thing pisses me off, and it was probably George Lucas' influence.

George Lucas must be in love with computer created special effects. His prequel trilogy of Star Wars films are disappointing on an huge scale. The creatures, vehicles, environments, characters, and props are almost entirely from a computer. It was relied on too much and weakened the spirit of the story. How can actors convey something serious and compelling when they're moving blindly around a green screen set for 80% of filming.

CG should be used to make the impossible seem real. Not as a way to duplicate reality. So if you're making a movie with a dragon, turn to a computer. If you're making a movie with a gopher, check the backyard.

War/Ear Drums

Mitch & Roland: #40 Spicy

Every now and then I think fondly of the food I used to enjoy in Korea. Food so spicy that it would pin you to the ground and force you to say uncle before it would release you. After two years of facing the fiery gauntlet of those meals, I must say that western spicy food just doesn't live up.

Sometimes I get a hankering for food that will set my mouth ablaze.

A Course of a Different Colour

Here are three more things to add to the list of things that suck big time.

Wrong Coloured Foods

You know what I'm talking about. Remember when they sold that nasty looking green ketchup. They even had purple ketchup for a while. It tasted fine, but it screwed with your senses. You're trying to enjoy your fries and it looks like you're dabbing them in dollops of shiny acrylic paint. Clear coloured Coke was way back, but it still bothers me to this day. All these food inventions just scream "chemicals" and "dyes", which I'm going to guess is bad. I recall seeing Doritos that would turn blue when they mixed with your saliva. That's perfect for people who enjoy digging food out of their mouth to look at it.

The Rocket Fishing Rod

If you've never seen this, take a look at it here. Apparently the only way to make fishing -Nay! - any activity cool to a child is to shoot it out of a gun. This plastic shotgun shaped toy is actually a working fishing rod that blasts your hook and line out into the water. You thought kids are overweight now? What does the future hold in store for kids too lazy to perform the simple actions of a sport that even the morbidly obese can excel at?

Ladybugs

These insects will be put on the list until they can prove themselves worthy. In the last couple of weeks these bugs have been popping up in my room and I can't locate the source. I don't know if you've seen an infestation of ladybugs before, but it's adorable and aggravating. How can you even locate the source of these things? Have you ever seen a ladybug hive, or a ladybug nest? Of course not, because they're disguised as cute things like jewelry boxes, rag dolls, and cupcakes. So if you ever come home and find a puppy wearing a tiara, you'd better act quick because it's probably housing a ladybug colony of biblical proportions.

Mitch & Roland: #39 Afraid

Hope y'all had a good weekend. You didn't get into trouble now, did you? You know you had me and your mother worried sick last night and we waited up until two in the morning for you to come home, and you never did. You think you have the right to hurt us like that? Look! You're mother's crying now. See what you've done?

But enough of that... here's another comic. The idea for the movie mentioned in the comic came randomly out of my brain when I woke up one morning. It's like I didn't even have to think it up. I awoke, sat up, and a pile of random was dropped into my lap. Thanks, Stupidity Fairy.

I Thieve, You Thieve, We all Thieve When Music's Free

Today Good Doctor helps us understand the importance of music copyright law and of course reasoning one's way out of guilt for sidestepping those laws.

Kicked out of Candyland

You know what sucks? Well, lots of things, but here are three:

Licorice

Yes, someone had to say it and I said it. This flavour has no place in our world. The only people who like licorice are over forty and have fond memories of going to the local grocery and buying a half pound bag of licorice pipes for 3 cents. Anything that looks and tastes like it should be shoe polish is not good candy.

The Choking Game

I'm can't believe I keep hearing on the news that a bunch of kids were rushed to a hospital because they tried to suffocate themselves. How stupid do you have to be? I don't know if nearly killing yourself gets you high, but what happened to the simpler days of stealing your parents alcohol or sniffing model airplane glue? If something like strangulation can be a craze, I think the next big thing sweeping the schools will be 'The Big Dip'. All you have to do is lie face down in a wading pool while two of your friends stand on your back. Nothing says, "I'm cool" like drowning or almost drowning.

Oral B Commercials

Not since the Fruit Roll-Up commercials have we seen such fantastical laboratory work like this. I don't mean to point the finger right at Oral B, because other toothbrush advertisers are guilty of the same stuff, but it's just ridiculous. Toothbrushes are not complicated tools, and I'm certain they are not designed in pristine white labs filled with glowing control panels and giant holograms. Last time I checked a toothbrush has no moving parts, isn't capable of breaking the sound barrier, and doesn't require a medical degree to operate. So let's stop tricking ourselves into thinking that dental care is constantly breaking new ground with science and engineering by having bristles that lean in different directions.