From Tragic Kingdom to Tragic

Lately on television I keep catching new music videos by Gwen Stefani and it's just making me angry. I know there are dozens of other celebrities more deserving of a rant, but allow me this brief venting of my anger. Have you heard this "Wind it Up" garbage? Or "The Sweet Escape". I thought her first solo album was ridiculous, but now it's just awful. I'm really saddened by how terrible these songs are compared to stuff like "Don't Speak" or "Spiderwebs".

I'm not certain, but it seems that No Doubt was the only thing keeping Gwen's ego in check, 'cause now each video looks like her making tacky musical love to the word Gwen written out in golden lights.

Alright, that's an exaggeration, but c'mon, she does anything she wants. I know most famous artists do whatever they want, it's usually not so stupid looking though. And when is someone going to arrest her for parading those two Japanese girls around in whatever insane costume she finds or designs.

Her newest singles get stuck in my head these days. And not in a good way where I'm playing imaginary drums on a tabletop with pencils. No, it's more like I find myself humming it while brushing my teeth and I want to headbutt a mirror.

"Wind it up" is one of the stupidest songs I've heard since...."My humps". Not only does it sound simplistic and crummy, the lyrics and concept might as well be anything. I swear, it might as well be "Shake it Out", "Knock it Down", "Wipe it Off", "Push it In", or whatever. Here, let me rewrite the first verse with whatever crap that pops into my head:

Cook it up, cook it up, cook it up, Cock a doodle doodle lee doo,

This is the pan in which I shall bake,
all the kids line up to have chocolate cake,
And the boys line up, to each have their lick,
but the girls hog the batter, and eat all the mix.

There. Now all you need are some Japanese girls dressed up like naughty bakers, a giant golden electric mixer, and a marching band playing drums with neon G's all over them, and you got yourself a hit.