This is going on my resume...

At the hagwon (private English academy) where I work there are four classrooms. The door to classroom #1 had been giving everyone trouble. Some real door shenanigans: not closing properly, sticking, and such. I think I saw it flip off a little girl one day, but it may have been just a trick of the light. Today it decided to show off and fuse itself wholly with the door frame and trap an unsuspecting teacher and student inside.

For forty-five minutes or more my boss and I tried desperately to open the door, but nothing was working. We passed tools back and forth under the door to the trapped teacher, but she was unable to release the latching mechanism. My boss called some locksmiths but none were able to come right away, so I continued the struggle. Something had completely busted inside the handle and had left the door in a permanent locked state, so we were left with no other choice. My boss gave me the word to break the doorknob off.

"I guess you should break the doorknob off." He said.

I nodded in agreement, setting down my metal pick and retrieving a hammer. I unscrewed the shank washer and moved it back to reveal a small gap. Then I jammed a slotted screwdriver in there and wailed on it with the hammer until the knob fell off. Next I tore out the knob rose and spindle with some pliers. You'll have to forgive me, I don't know the proper doorknob terminology, but there were more parts inside than I had expected.

So I ripped out the turbine and the gearshift. Springs, cogs, and 22 feet of fiber optic cable flew left and right. I think a piston broke off and was punctured by the dipstick. So, I'm covered with hydraulic fluid and sweat, but this damn door ain't budging. Finally the locksmith shows up to take over.

"It's all yours, " I said to him, stepping aside. "But be careful. She's a moody one."

The repairman worked at the door for another ten minutes before he could finally tear the latch free of the wall with huge pliers, as if it were some terrible infected giant's tooth. At last the teacher and student were free, and life could continue as normal.

So, I just wanted to share that with you because it was an interesting part of my day. It isn't often that someone asks me to break something (especially at work) but I'm always eager to comply. Way back in high school some friends and I had the opportunity to demolish an old broken clothes dryer for the purposes of disposal. It was a fun time, and I would recommend it as good afternoon activity. Not just because it brings friends together and provides exercise, but because you're likely to find a lot of lost coins inside.

This summer you should take a page from the short story "The Destructors" and plan a demolition event with those you love. I'm sure you know someone with a car they aren't using. Or how about some old porch, a rusted swing set, or just a sofa that the cat peed on. But if you can't plan a big outdoor Smash-Off, I'm certain you can find one door that's being a real dick.