June 29, 2007
June 27, 2007
This Ain't Yo Grandma's Trailer
Like any normal person, I love movie trailers. I think one of the funniest things is when a movie trailer tries to maximize excitement in the audience by giving us commands on how to get ready ("hold on tight!") or by telling us how we'll react ("you'll laugh, you'll cry!"). So here is my exaggerated movie trailer. If you can, please have Don LaFontaine read it for you with his signature deep and gravely voice.
"Prepare yourself for an adventure of epic proportions. With an unheard of running time, and a special effects budget in the billions, you'd better hold on tight and pray to sweet baby Jesus that you survive this blockbuster.
This July, hold onto your ass, 'cause just when you thought you'd seen it all ... think again. With more plot twists than lines of dialogue, you'll be on the edge of your seat, and gasping with delight with every over-the-top, pulse-pounding, tear-jerking, knee-slapping, gut-wrenching, earth-shaking, vomit-inducing, ear-splitting surpise.
Be sure to quit your job and get in line now, or face missing the movie that Newsweek calls "A frozen electric fireball of fun that blasts out the screen and rockets down your throat!" and that Movie Magazine is hailing as "The apex of cinema; A movie so swollen and ripe with CGI and explosions, you'd better bring a towel to wipe yourself off"
Ken Dandley of Rolling Stone is calling it "A life changing experience. I've seen it three times already, but I'd still ride down a mountain of nuns on a toboggan made of children just for a chance to see it again. I've got three words for you people: 'Slam Dunk Bomb'."
This summer, get ready, get pumped, brace yourself, strap yourself in, call a friend, call two, get locked and loaded, strip off, rub yourself down, buckle up, and shut up as we take you on an action-packed journey to the limit of extreme that will have you standing up and cheering.
Because this summer
it all comes down
to her!
"The Wizard of Oz 2: Dorothy's Revenge and the Emerald City Showdown: Passion of the Wicked Witch"
So get ready"
June 25, 2007
Coca-what?
Although I don't know if it's true, I hear that the worlds most well-known word is 'okay'. And the second most well-known word is 'Coca-Cola'.
Whether that's a fact or not, I'll go ahead and believe it. How can I not? The world is so immersed in the advertising of a product like Coca-Cola it's astonishing. I read online recently that 94% of the world's population can recognize the Coca-Cola trademark. Holy balls! 7000 Coca-Cola products are consumed every second. Every second! That blows my mind.
When you get to that point, why is Coca-Cola still advertising the bejesus out of this beverage? Are they trying to score that last 6%? Are they hoping to track down the last jungle tribes and remote island communities untouched by the modern world, so they can set up vending machines and billboards? Same goes for McDonalds. They've successfully let everyone on the planet know they exist. They can stop now. Mission accomplished, you guys. We all know what a Big Mac and a Coke is, so lay off the commercials for a day.
Coca-Cola has an annual budget of 1.6 billion for advertising, and McDonalds has spent over 5 billion in the last decade, just for US advertising. Since everyone already knows what the products are, and most people have become hopelessly addicted to them, what's the point? If we can walk a block without encountering an ad, will we completely forget about it?
Just for fun, I would like these companies halt all advertising for a week, or better yet, an entire month. Just to see what happens. I'm guessing it wouldn't hurt sales in the least. It might even give sales a boost. Sure, why not? Maybe if the public is as stupid as they assume, everyone will immediately notice the lack of commercials and magazine ads, assume the businesses are shutting down, go into a deranged panic, and then begin stockpiling for a Cherry-Coke-less future.
1.6 billion? Why don't they give half of that to charity or to fund medical research? I bet if they gave a billion dollars away to worthwhile causes every year it would certainly be beneficial to their image; it would be the best advertising of all. And they still would have 600 million goddamn dollars to promote Coke. That would buy a lot of flyers. They could fly hundreds of planes around the world spilling out trillions of flyers and coupons and logos and slogans all over the land. Soon every inch of the Earth could be coated with their image.
They might as well, it seems to be the last big step.
Whether that's a fact or not, I'll go ahead and believe it. How can I not? The world is so immersed in the advertising of a product like Coca-Cola it's astonishing. I read online recently that 94% of the world's population can recognize the Coca-Cola trademark. Holy balls! 7000 Coca-Cola products are consumed every second. Every second! That blows my mind.
When you get to that point, why is Coca-Cola still advertising the bejesus out of this beverage? Are they trying to score that last 6%? Are they hoping to track down the last jungle tribes and remote island communities untouched by the modern world, so they can set up vending machines and billboards? Same goes for McDonalds. They've successfully let everyone on the planet know they exist. They can stop now. Mission accomplished, you guys. We all know what a Big Mac and a Coke is, so lay off the commercials for a day.
Coca-Cola has an annual budget of 1.6 billion for advertising, and McDonalds has spent over 5 billion in the last decade, just for US advertising. Since everyone already knows what the products are, and most people have become hopelessly addicted to them, what's the point? If we can walk a block without encountering an ad, will we completely forget about it?
Just for fun, I would like these companies halt all advertising for a week, or better yet, an entire month. Just to see what happens. I'm guessing it wouldn't hurt sales in the least. It might even give sales a boost. Sure, why not? Maybe if the public is as stupid as they assume, everyone will immediately notice the lack of commercials and magazine ads, assume the businesses are shutting down, go into a deranged panic, and then begin stockpiling for a Cherry-Coke-less future.
1.6 billion? Why don't they give half of that to charity or to fund medical research? I bet if they gave a billion dollars away to worthwhile causes every year it would certainly be beneficial to their image; it would be the best advertising of all. And they still would have 600 million goddamn dollars to promote Coke. That would buy a lot of flyers. They could fly hundreds of planes around the world spilling out trillions of flyers and coupons and logos and slogans all over the land. Soon every inch of the Earth could be coated with their image.
They might as well, it seems to be the last big step.
June 22, 2007
Mitch & Roland: #22 Meltdown
I must say, I'm glad it's the weekend. It was a busy week. Although I ranted about food and such in my previous blog entry, I have to mention a recent discovery I made at the grocery store. I was looking in the dairy section when I came across a new variety of process cheese slices called, get this, Choco-Cheese. Yes, that's right. It was chocolate cheese, a sickeningly shiny brown all in individual wrapped squares. I can't imagine any circumstance in which a person might want to eat that.
So while we ponder the place of Choco-Cheese in our world, and fret over how it came into being, please enjoy this single serving of comic.
So while we ponder the place of Choco-Cheese in our world, and fret over how it came into being, please enjoy this single serving of comic.
June 21, 2007
Off The Eaten Path
Pizza. Let's talk about it. I think we can all agree that it's a delicious food and has certainly prevented many college students from dying of starvation. That being said, allow me to talk at random of the pizzas cooked, served, and eaten in Korea.
The first thing I noticed about pizza here was the addition of corn. That's a default topping. It's not a bad thing by any means, but it's different. Potatoes are another favorite topping, but not quite as popular as sweet potatoes. It's the one variety that you'll find everywhere and it probably sells more than anything else.
In Korea, the sweet potato is king. How much so, you ask? Well, several children have told me it's their favorite flavour of cake. Enough said.
Sweet potato is such a common ingredient in pizza that you'll usually find it in a paste form. Sometimes as a ring around the toppings, or inside the crust. Whatever the case, it's usually lurking somewhere on the pizza whether you ordered it or not.
I've seen pizza with sour cream, almonds, fruit, shrimp, and nacho chips for toppings. I even saw a commercial for one with a tiny fondue pot propped up in the center of the pizza for your crust dipping pleasure. But of all the strange varieties, two in particular are simply stunning.
First, from Pizza Hut Korea, is the "Cheese Volcano Pizza". I didn't make up that name. Go see the thing for yourself . The outer crust is so positively packed with bright orange-yellow liquid cheese, that it's erupting out of it. This lava-cheese can flow down into a moat of what looks like ... ranch dressing? But luckily it can't and won't contaminate the central topping area as it's protected by a wall of sweet potato mousse.
Secondly, are you ready everyone? Please brace yourself for this food concoction. From the Mr. Pizza chain restaurants we have the "Grand Prix Premium Pizza". So you got your standard fair of tomato sauce, cheese, and vegetables. That's fine. But then half the pizza is covered in potatoes, and the other half is covered in shrimp. It's sprinkled with black olives, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, and raisins. And the whole thing sits on a crust made of European cookie dough.
The 'pizza' even comes with a blueberry sauce to dip your crust in. I couldn't possibly make this up.
I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm just saying, dear sweet Jesus, that's different. American pizza innovations have always been about one thing: more cheese! Let's put it in the crust, underneath, five types on top, and here's a cup of cheese for dipping. No one ever thought to combine pizza with cookies.
So, all in all I have to give credit to Koreans for trying something different. It looks like they're leading us to a new age of flavour combinations. And they will call it... The Blueberry Shrimp Dynasty.
The first thing I noticed about pizza here was the addition of corn. That's a default topping. It's not a bad thing by any means, but it's different. Potatoes are another favorite topping, but not quite as popular as sweet potatoes. It's the one variety that you'll find everywhere and it probably sells more than anything else.
In Korea, the sweet potato is king. How much so, you ask? Well, several children have told me it's their favorite flavour of cake. Enough said.
Sweet potato is such a common ingredient in pizza that you'll usually find it in a paste form. Sometimes as a ring around the toppings, or inside the crust. Whatever the case, it's usually lurking somewhere on the pizza whether you ordered it or not.
I've seen pizza with sour cream, almonds, fruit, shrimp, and nacho chips for toppings. I even saw a commercial for one with a tiny fondue pot propped up in the center of the pizza for your crust dipping pleasure. But of all the strange varieties, two in particular are simply stunning.
First, from Pizza Hut Korea, is the "Cheese Volcano Pizza". I didn't make up that name. Go see the thing for yourself . The outer crust is so positively packed with bright orange-yellow liquid cheese, that it's erupting out of it. This lava-cheese can flow down into a moat of what looks like ... ranch dressing? But luckily it can't and won't contaminate the central topping area as it's protected by a wall of sweet potato mousse.
Secondly, are you ready everyone? Please brace yourself for this food concoction. From the Mr. Pizza chain restaurants we have the "Grand Prix Premium Pizza". So you got your standard fair of tomato sauce, cheese, and vegetables. That's fine. But then half the pizza is covered in potatoes, and the other half is covered in shrimp. It's sprinkled with black olives, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, and raisins. And the whole thing sits on a crust made of European cookie dough.
The 'pizza' even comes with a blueberry sauce to dip your crust in. I couldn't possibly make this up.
I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm just saying, dear sweet Jesus, that's different. American pizza innovations have always been about one thing: more cheese! Let's put it in the crust, underneath, five types on top, and here's a cup of cheese for dipping. No one ever thought to combine pizza with cookies.
So, all in all I have to give credit to Koreans for trying something different. It looks like they're leading us to a new age of flavour combinations. And they will call it... The Blueberry Shrimp Dynasty.
June 20, 2007
June 18, 2007
June 15, 2007
ZOMBIES: Part Five
Here we go again as the zombie adventure continues. When we last left our spindly-limbed duo, Roland was hacking away at zombies on the front lawn and Mitch was still trapped in the attic. Now that we're up to speed:
June 14, 2007
Tactless Ogre
I hope someone got that title.
Hey, hey! It looks like I've just published my 100th post. Time really flies. Boy, if I had a nickle for every post on my blog....well...I've never been good with math. But maybe that's enough to get a coffee or something. Uh, maybe not a Starbucks coffee. Those things are pricey.
Hey, hey! It looks like I've just published my 100th post. Time really flies. Boy, if I had a nickle for every post on my blog....well...I've never been good with math. But maybe that's enough to get a coffee or something. Uh, maybe not a Starbucks coffee. Those things are pricey.
June 11, 2007
Whisper to Scream
Some days I'm totally bewildered by the complete difference in volume that children deliver. In any given classroom of mine it's nearly evenly divided between the extremely loud or the surprisingly quiet. And there really isn't any middle ground with this; every kid is either an explosion of noise ready to go off at any moment like a roman candle, or their lips are sealed.
I've seen kids so quiet and shy, they hardly seem to be pushing air from their lungs during speech. I'm constantly straining to catch their words and telling them to speak up. So it doesn't help when the other half of the class are shouting like nuts.
Which brings me to the other thing. Every class also seems divided on students who have energy and those who have none. Some kids cling to me like burrs and have the attention spans of hummingbirds. The rest just plop down in their chairs and gaze about with sleepy expressions.
I guess it's stupid for me to find it odd that children are not all the same, but sometimes I wonder how it can be so split down the middle. I come into class and half of the kids act like I'm the coolest thing since candy, and the others stare me down with such apathy it's astounding. Looking at me like I'm trying to convince them to trade their cellphones for a rusted baby carriage filled with dead shrimp.
Last week in a class of four we did a writing exercise about our ideal pet. Two students wrote near identical paragraphs about cute kittens. The other two wrote about dragons they could ride around on; dragons that eat people. Also, one girl named her dragon 'gaeto', which I found out in Korean means 'dog vomit'.
It seems that even their ideas are loud and quiet.
I've seen kids so quiet and shy, they hardly seem to be pushing air from their lungs during speech. I'm constantly straining to catch their words and telling them to speak up. So it doesn't help when the other half of the class are shouting like nuts.
Which brings me to the other thing. Every class also seems divided on students who have energy and those who have none. Some kids cling to me like burrs and have the attention spans of hummingbirds. The rest just plop down in their chairs and gaze about with sleepy expressions.
I guess it's stupid for me to find it odd that children are not all the same, but sometimes I wonder how it can be so split down the middle. I come into class and half of the kids act like I'm the coolest thing since candy, and the others stare me down with such apathy it's astounding. Looking at me like I'm trying to convince them to trade their cellphones for a rusted baby carriage filled with dead shrimp.
Last week in a class of four we did a writing exercise about our ideal pet. Two students wrote near identical paragraphs about cute kittens. The other two wrote about dragons they could ride around on; dragons that eat people. Also, one girl named her dragon 'gaeto', which I found out in Korean means 'dog vomit'.
It seems that even their ideas are loud and quiet.
June 9, 2007
June 6, 2007
June 4, 2007
June 1, 2007
ZOMBIES: Part Four
Well, after about a month of being zombie less, I think it's high time to get back to the story at hand. Thanks for being so patient. So, here it is. For anyone not familiar with the previous installments, you can always catch up.
These pages took me longer to draw and ink than anything thus far, and hopefully it shows. I have the next bunch nearly finished and they'll be ready in the near future. So keep an eye out for zombie goodness. Ha! Eye out.
Cut Off
Last night I finished reading a pretty interesting book by John D. Barrow called The Infinite Book. You heard me correctly. I finished it.
Talk about false advertising. I haven't been this upset since watching "The Neverending Story".
And speaking of that movie, I've gone out numerous times with friends and co-workers to the delightful Norae bangs (private karaoke rooms) here in Korea, and I've always been surprised at the selections of song they have or don't have. Like, I can barely find a decent Billy Joel number to sing, but I'll stumble across the title song from the movie "The Neverending Story" by one hit wonder Limahl.
What the hell?
Talk about false advertising. I haven't been this upset since watching "The Neverending Story".
And speaking of that movie, I've gone out numerous times with friends and co-workers to the delightful Norae bangs (private karaoke rooms) here in Korea, and I've always been surprised at the selections of song they have or don't have. Like, I can barely find a decent Billy Joel number to sing, but I'll stumble across the title song from the movie "The Neverending Story" by one hit wonder Limahl.
What the hell?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)