The Olympics are on. If you haven't been watching, shame on you! Have you no respect or interest in the grand history of these games?
If you don't know, the Olympics originally started in 1896 in Athens, Greece when a man hurled a hammer at a beggar and passers-by were impressed by the distance and accuracy of his throw. Since then every four years a rich city has been able to host the games as the world unites to show off their spandex outfits and goggles.
There are so many good events to watch, but here is a list of the events that don't exist, but should. A man can dream, right?
- 12,000 meter Breaststroke: In this event there are no placements of medals, anyone who doesn't give up or drown will win gold.
- Pole Vault Archery: Athletes must shoot arrows as they pole-vault. Points are given for how high they are in the air once the arrow is shot, and also how accurate the shot is.
- Pummel Horse: Teams of three are timed on knocking a horse down using their bare hands.
- Octathlon: Running, shooting, biking, boxing, strangling, fencing, moonwalking, swimming.
- Synchronized Wrestling: Two opponents must fight one another and pretend as if they are looking in a mirror, mimicking the other person's movement.
- Heavyweight Spine Lifting: Athletes will have their legs bound with large splints to prevent them from bending their knees and must lift varying weights. Points given for style, not moving legs at all, and remaining silent.
-Cross-Country Rowing: Two boats of six rowers each will race through 500 meters of water, press on as they reach the shore and race another 100 meters up the beach and across a street.
- Cat Throw: A hurling competition where athletes must toss a cat as far as possible. Now, just so you realize I'm not being cruel, the player will be disqualified if the cat dies.
- Relay Javelin: Another hurling event that incorporated running. Athletes must run 100 meters with a javelin and then hurl it to their teammate who takes the javelin and runs also. This process must repeat at least three times.
- Equestrian Trampoline: I'll let you work out the details for this one yourself.
- Sporadic Hurdle Basketball: Played on a modified basketball court where hurdles will spring up out of the ground randomly and will only retract once they are jumped over.
1 comment:
I hear Picnicface is lobbying to have hump-catting and/or bear-blasting included in the 2010 Winters.
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