Where You Can Stick Your Eggs

To Those Who Throw Eggs,

Why are you throwing eggs? It's not Halloween, and there isn't an egg surplus. Don't you realize that we are in an economic downturn? You should be saving those eggs for important and useful things, like reserve omelets.

I understand that there is satisfaction in tossing eggs and hearing a wet crack, making a sticky mess, and causing general havoc. But when you throw eggs at strangers at night, that's not fun, it's being an asshat. Do you want to be known as a stupid prick? Because your actions seem to suggest as such.

I've not been hit with eggs myself, but it's happened on multiple occasions to people I know and care about, more recently to someone who was obviously minding their business and was pelted by a group of teenagers. So, as you may imagine, I'm less than pleased. Ganging up and assaulting someone, even with something as silly as eggs, is thoughtless and cruel. Maybe the next time you run up to a stranger to hurl an egg in their face you'll realize too late that it's your sibling or grandmother.

So why do it, you mean-spirited ignorant twits? Find a more productive use of your time and eggs, and grow up. You're now on my list of enemies, you f**king dolts.