Things I Hate: Cinema Adventures

3D Out of Control

The 3D fad is back and charging forward at full strength. And that's good news because we finally can get back to the fantastic roots of three dimensional cinema and triumphs like ... uh ... Jaws 3D? Actually, you know what? It's a gimmick, it's always been a gimmick, and until some major progress is made it's going to remain a gimmick. I want to love 3D movies, but things like G-Force, Ice Age 3, and The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience make me want to stab my own brain with tweezers. 3D movies should stay in amusement parks where they belong.

Babies At the Movies

Parents, why? Why are you bringing infants and toddlers and other wailing miniature versions of yourself to the movies? The baby doesn't know what's going on, it didn't ask to come here, and its cries are annoying you and everyone else. I don't think bringing a very young infant is appropriate for even children's movies. It's hard to know what the appropriate age is to bring your kid to their first movie (some people seem to think it's a few hours after the umbilical cord was cut), but I assert it should be when they are old enough to stay put and shut up for 90 minutes.

Pre-Movie Commercials

This has got to be one of the greatest crimes ever committed in the realm of advertising. You've paid ten dollars for a ticket, you've taken out a loan for some popcorn and twizzlers, and now you're forced to sit through a gauntlet of commercials. And I'm not talking about movie trailers. I like movie trailers, in fact I look forward to viewing them and being filled with excitement and anticipation. But no, somewhere along the line, people realized they could run commercials for cola, cars, cellphones, and people would just have to suck it up.

How bad has it gotten? Pretty bad, at least in Korea. I went and saw the movie "Up" on the weekend and decided to count the commercials before the movie. Twenty-six, my friends, twenty-Goddamn-six. Only two of those were movie trailers, and I had even gotten in a bit late, so I must've missed a few. All in all I estimate there were 30+ commercials. It was over 20 minutes of nonstop ads. I would mind less if the tickets were cheaper as a result, but that's not the case. It'll get worse before it gets better. The war is over, and we lost. We might as well tattoo product logos on our foreheads and name our children Kraft, Sony, and Gillette Fusion.