The Shawarma Conundrum

One of the benefits of living in Ottawa is the access to the delicious Shawarma shops located everywhere. They are so plentiful that I can safely say that there are more Shawarma shops than all other shops combined.

What is a Shawarma? Well it's a sandwich wrap filled with spit-roasted meat and an assortment of vegetables and sauces. The word "shawarma" comes from the Turkish expression "stomach apocalypse". The reason for this is the excessively strong garlic content. The garlic sauce/paste/anger-spread is made from equal parts blended garlic and more blended garlic. The garlic is intense enough to leave your stomach burning a full 14 hours later, and also strong enough to destroy any memory of that agony so you end up buying another shawarma sandwich a few days later.

I've come to the realization that despite their deliciousness, there is really no ideal time to eat one. The morning is maybe the worst time. Nobody gets out bed craving a greasy fire brick in their gut. The afternoon is no good either. You're usually busy doing stuff, and the last thing you want when you return from lunch break is to belch garlic vapor all over your co-workers and customers. Around dinner is still not the right time because you've been awake long enough to know you don't want to eat shawarma for dinner.

Unfortunately most shawarma consumption happens in the evening and night after you've been mentally crippled with alcohol and the rich aromas of spinning chicken beckon you. Eating shawarma also induces an indigestion coma, but the last thing you should do is lie down. As soon as you recline, hot garlic chicken hits the roof of your mouth and catches fire. You soon black out and wake up hours later still full with heartburn.

All in all shawarma is a risk/reward situation. When you are hungry, it's just about the most delicious thing, but it also punishes you for the indulgence. Like having sex and then being punched in the face. It hurts, but not enough to stop you from coming back for more.