I've joined the gym recently and have been going after work. The soreness I feel now is a clear indication of how out of shape I've become in the last year.
This evening, after I finished working all my gracktoids to their limit, I hit the sauna to sweat out my remaining strength. When I entered there was a Korean gentleman lying on the floor, and he sat up as I sat on the floor. I greeted him with an "Annyong Haseyo" and that's all it took to trigger a conversation.
Well, it wasn't a real back a forth conversation, because I only know a little Korean, and he only knew a little English. But it was enough for him to talk to me enthusiastically for almost 30 minutes. He talked about his two children living in Vancouver and California, his difficult job, the expense of living and the burden of sending money to his children, his love of golf, and his interest in dance.
He was so set on conveying this interest that he got up and proceeded to dance. It was a slow waltz that he carefully performed around the sauna, dancing with an imaginary woman. He even encouraged me to follow his motions to learn the dance myself.
It was weird, to say the least. It felt as if I was suddenly part of a ridiculous sitcom where guy A needs to learn how to dance in time for the big party to impress the girl of his dreams, and guy B shows him a few moves. Then someone walks in the room and cracks a gay joke. Then the fake audience loses their shit.
Oh, Korea, what will you pull next?
November 11, 2008
November 4, 2008
Mitch & Roland: #45 Reunited
Today I ate one of the weirdest sandwiches of my life, and it was of my own doing. The ingredients were peanut butter, hash browns, onions, hot sauce, pickles, and squid. It wasn't good by any stretch, but it didn't kill me. That's the fun of sandwiches, the only thing that limits what you put between those two slices of bread is your own courage.
Let us now turn to the wacky duo and their continuing escapades.
Let us now turn to the wacky duo and their continuing escapades.
October 29, 2008
Things That Go Squat in the Night
As Halloween approaches, I'm pleased to find myself getting into the spirit of the season. Just yesterday I dressed up as Frankenstein's monster and sacrificed a goat. Then I ate a dozen boxes of Popeye candy sticks.
Okay, none of that really happened, but I will be carving some pumpkins tomorrow eve, and I intend to watch some horror movies. Can't go wrong with that. Nothing gets the heart pumping like a good scare.
Speaking of being scared, I think I've lived in Korea long enough to make a general observation: Koreans squat very well. It seems to be one of the more preferred stances, and I see it happening at all hours of the day and night. I think elderly Koreans must have the strongest knees on earth, because on my way to work, I often see women in their 80's and 90's squatting and just chilling.
The reason I bring this up is because on numerous occasions I've had the living shit scared out of me by someone squatting. I go for walks in the evening and as I'm walking about through the neighborhoods I'll suddenly see that there is an old Korean man squatting a foot away from me - smoking and staring. Had he been standing up I would have likely seen him, but since he was squatting, he disappeared into the shadows.
It's the kind of fright you get when you think you're alone, and realizing that there's someone right next to you. I would like them to stop doing that. Not just because it's startling, but because it seems dangerous. If you're squatting in the road and a man walking by couldn't see you, how well do you think a car will?
Anyway, that's my thought for the day. Hope everyone has a fun and spooky Halloween. For lovers of candy and groups of five please check out my list of the worst Halloween treats.
Boo.
Okay, none of that really happened, but I will be carving some pumpkins tomorrow eve, and I intend to watch some horror movies. Can't go wrong with that. Nothing gets the heart pumping like a good scare.
Speaking of being scared, I think I've lived in Korea long enough to make a general observation: Koreans squat very well. It seems to be one of the more preferred stances, and I see it happening at all hours of the day and night. I think elderly Koreans must have the strongest knees on earth, because on my way to work, I often see women in their 80's and 90's squatting and just chilling.
The reason I bring this up is because on numerous occasions I've had the living shit scared out of me by someone squatting. I go for walks in the evening and as I'm walking about through the neighborhoods I'll suddenly see that there is an old Korean man squatting a foot away from me - smoking and staring. Had he been standing up I would have likely seen him, but since he was squatting, he disappeared into the shadows.
It's the kind of fright you get when you think you're alone, and realizing that there's someone right next to you. I would like them to stop doing that. Not just because it's startling, but because it seems dangerous. If you're squatting in the road and a man walking by couldn't see you, how well do you think a car will?
Anyway, that's my thought for the day. Hope everyone has a fun and spooky Halloween. For lovers of candy and groups of five please check out my list of the worst Halloween treats.
Boo.
October 14, 2008
First One's Free: Game On!!!
I find it interesting how much the Nintendo DS has been rising in popularity in Korea. Several years ago it made a mild debut, but interest has picked up and I think it's for 4 reasons.
One. Many shops that carry the DS have playable handhelds for people to try. At the mall there are even whole stores devoted to the product with rows of seats for shopper to come in, pick up a DS, and get their game on. They even have stations where you can clean and tend to your game system.
Two. While there is a huge range of people who enjoy the DS (toddlers and businessmen alike), the real target seems to be girls. The sheer quantity of accessories being sold for the DS is insane. The system already comes in a handful of colors, but you got enough additional options to pimp out your DS to satisfy the wackiest customization junkie. Koreans love to bedazzle their cellphones, so I suppose their games should be no different.
Three. Another huge reason for the success of the system is the education angle. I think advertisements and promotions have proven to parents that the DS will boost their child's IQ and teach them English. The system has a considerable collection of language and brain testing titles, so those have been the perfect selling point for this academically obsessed country.
Four. The biggest driving factor for the success of the DS is drugs. Yes, you heard me, drugs. It's obvious that the handhelds that anyone can play at the stores are coated in a chemicals, then absorbed though the hands and tongue (depending on your intimacy level with the game). Those chemicals immediately attack the brain and cause the player to become addicted. If you think the general public can contend with 14 separate games about ponies having birthdays without being high on something, think again.
One. Many shops that carry the DS have playable handhelds for people to try. At the mall there are even whole stores devoted to the product with rows of seats for shopper to come in, pick up a DS, and get their game on. They even have stations where you can clean and tend to your game system.
Two. While there is a huge range of people who enjoy the DS (toddlers and businessmen alike), the real target seems to be girls. The sheer quantity of accessories being sold for the DS is insane. The system already comes in a handful of colors, but you got enough additional options to pimp out your DS to satisfy the wackiest customization junkie. Koreans love to bedazzle their cellphones, so I suppose their games should be no different.
Three. Another huge reason for the success of the system is the education angle. I think advertisements and promotions have proven to parents that the DS will boost their child's IQ and teach them English. The system has a considerable collection of language and brain testing titles, so those have been the perfect selling point for this academically obsessed country.
Four. The biggest driving factor for the success of the DS is drugs. Yes, you heard me, drugs. It's obvious that the handhelds that anyone can play at the stores are coated in a chemicals, then absorbed though the hands and tongue (depending on your intimacy level with the game). Those chemicals immediately attack the brain and cause the player to become addicted. If you think the general public can contend with 14 separate games about ponies having birthdays without being high on something, think again.
October 13, 2008
Behold the Optical Kings Upon Their Emerald Thrones
I recently got a new set of prescription lenses for my glasses after a long long period of not being able to see far away, and convincing myself that there's nothing worth seeing over there anyway. (Look out! A bus!)
I waited so long that I'm reminded of the words of comedian Brian Regan: "I just got new glasses after six years. You ever wait that long? How can instantly improved vision not be at the top of your to-do list? Meh ... I'll see tomorrah."
That's pretty much the situation. I must say, this whole 'seeing' thing is really top notch. Why the hell did I wait so long? Probably because of the price. In Canada when I asked about the cost of new lenses, the woman told me it would cost up to $400.
"Will they be made of crystallized eagle tears?" I asked her.
"No." She said from her small mountain of gold coins.
Well, what's the use of being able to see, if you have to walk around in a paper bag? So I waited until I arrived in Korea, and got new lenses for $60. And it only took a couple hours to get them. Awesome.
Procrastination ... it saves.
I waited so long that I'm reminded of the words of comedian Brian Regan: "I just got new glasses after six years. You ever wait that long? How can instantly improved vision not be at the top of your to-do list? Meh ... I'll see tomorrah."
That's pretty much the situation. I must say, this whole 'seeing' thing is really top notch. Why the hell did I wait so long? Probably because of the price. In Canada when I asked about the cost of new lenses, the woman told me it would cost up to $400.
"Will they be made of crystallized eagle tears?" I asked her.
"No." She said from her small mountain of gold coins.
Well, what's the use of being able to see, if you have to walk around in a paper bag? So I waited until I arrived in Korea, and got new lenses for $60. And it only took a couple hours to get them. Awesome.
Procrastination ... it saves.
October 5, 2008
Hail to the Five
No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Though I am on the far side of it. Just been busy getting situated in Koreaville.
Sadly, as of right now, I'm without proper means of scanning or capturing images that I've drawn, so that aspect of the blog will be on a temporary hold. You can still expect the occasional rant, because anger makes the world go 'round.
For now I'd like to let you know about another blog I've been working on, which I intend to direct most of my attention for now. It's Five-o-rama. As many of you would know, I have a love of lists, and Five-o-rama is my way of corralling them all in one place. Basically it's a series of top five lists on a variety of topics.
Give it look if you have a chance, and be sure to drop me a comment, or any suggestions you might have for future lists. Peace!
Sadly, as of right now, I'm without proper means of scanning or capturing images that I've drawn, so that aspect of the blog will be on a temporary hold. You can still expect the occasional rant, because anger makes the world go 'round.
For now I'd like to let you know about another blog I've been working on, which I intend to direct most of my attention for now. It's Five-o-rama. As many of you would know, I have a love of lists, and Five-o-rama is my way of corralling them all in one place. Basically it's a series of top five lists on a variety of topics.
Give it look if you have a chance, and be sure to drop me a comment, or any suggestions you might have for future lists. Peace!
September 22, 2008
Air Travel Survival Guide
I’ve arrived back in Korea after yet another long and tiresome flight. I only had the one connecting flight and most of my time in the air was between Toronto and Seoul.
As you well know, any flight exceeding the 6 hour mark is boring and awful beyond reason. My flight was more than 13 hours. There is only so much time your body will allow being crammed in a tiny uncomfortable seat; tired and not sleeping, not hungry but being fed.
But like any gruelling test of human endurance, creativity is key to help pass the time and keep the mind sharp. Here is a breakdown of some of the best ways to entertain yourself on an airplane flying machine:
- Without revealing location, go and use one of the washrooms, then after returning to your seat allow your travel mate to then inspect the washrooms and guess which one you used. Note: this activity requires a friend, family member, or an open-minded fellow passenger.
- See how many times you can “accidentally” push the button that summons a flight attendant before you are struck.
- Stand up suddenly and shout, “A BOMB … ardier is a member of a military aircraft crew.”
- Whenever the drink cart comes around compete with a friend to see who can ask for the most idiotic drinks such as coconut milk, chai tea, sea water, papaya juice, vitamin cola, melonade, etc. Score one point for each request, and 5 points if the attendant becomes fed up and walks away.
- See how any pillows you can steal from other passengers. Use them to build a fort.
- Attempt to climb up into the overhead compartments. When someone stops you, begin to cry and complain that you just wanted to lie down.
- Bring a long shoelace with you. Take one of those hard rolls from a meal and save it, along with a little bottle of water. When the person seated next to you falls asleep, thread the shoelace through the bun and tie the end so you have a bun on a rope. Carefully soak the bun with water, but not so much that it dissolves apart. While holding on to the shoelace, cast the soggy bun over the seats ahead of you. Immediately drop the free end of the shoelace in your fellow passenger’s lap and then pretend to be asleep as well. Brace yourself.
As you well know, any flight exceeding the 6 hour mark is boring and awful beyond reason. My flight was more than 13 hours. There is only so much time your body will allow being crammed in a tiny uncomfortable seat; tired and not sleeping, not hungry but being fed.
But like any gruelling test of human endurance, creativity is key to help pass the time and keep the mind sharp. Here is a breakdown of some of the best ways to entertain yourself on an airplane flying machine:
- Without revealing location, go and use one of the washrooms, then after returning to your seat allow your travel mate to then inspect the washrooms and guess which one you used. Note: this activity requires a friend, family member, or an open-minded fellow passenger.
- See how many times you can “accidentally” push the button that summons a flight attendant before you are struck.
- Stand up suddenly and shout, “A BOMB … ardier is a member of a military aircraft crew.”
- Whenever the drink cart comes around compete with a friend to see who can ask for the most idiotic drinks such as coconut milk, chai tea, sea water, papaya juice, vitamin cola, melonade, etc. Score one point for each request, and 5 points if the attendant becomes fed up and walks away.
- See how any pillows you can steal from other passengers. Use them to build a fort.
- Attempt to climb up into the overhead compartments. When someone stops you, begin to cry and complain that you just wanted to lie down.
- Bring a long shoelace with you. Take one of those hard rolls from a meal and save it, along with a little bottle of water. When the person seated next to you falls asleep, thread the shoelace through the bun and tie the end so you have a bun on a rope. Carefully soak the bun with water, but not so much that it dissolves apart. While holding on to the shoelace, cast the soggy bun over the seats ahead of you. Immediately drop the free end of the shoelace in your fellow passenger’s lap and then pretend to be asleep as well. Brace yourself.
September 10, 2008
Mow, mow, mow. How do you like it? How do you like it?!!
Well, I'm a mere week away from my return to Korea to resume teaching shenanigans. I finished my current job at the beginning of September and have been keeping myself busy since. How are you keeping yourself busy, you ask.
Mowing grass.
Yeah, that's about it. It's an around the clock unending job in itself. My father's property is about three acres of obstacles to mow around. What makes the job harder is only having one gas mower to do it with; a mower that is at death's door.
Plus, with the unpredictable weather that Nova Scotia provides, a day planned for catching up with cutting grass can turn into a panicked run for shelter from a downpour. When the grass is wet, it's impossible to cut, but waiting for it to dry means risking another rain shower, and more grass growing. I can wait days for it to dry and still feel like I'm mowing a field of coleslaw. You push through three metres of slightly damp grass and the whole works clog up, the blades struggle, and you have to stop and dig it out by hand. That's a kind of fun you only read about in magazines. Bullshit Mowing Monthly, for example.
By the time I've finished, the parts I initially cut a few days ago are already looking shaggy, and you pretty much have to tackle it right then and there in case it rains and becomes out of control. At this point I see the virtues of paving it over.
Mowing grass.
Yeah, that's about it. It's an around the clock unending job in itself. My father's property is about three acres of obstacles to mow around. What makes the job harder is only having one gas mower to do it with; a mower that is at death's door.
Plus, with the unpredictable weather that Nova Scotia provides, a day planned for catching up with cutting grass can turn into a panicked run for shelter from a downpour. When the grass is wet, it's impossible to cut, but waiting for it to dry means risking another rain shower, and more grass growing. I can wait days for it to dry and still feel like I'm mowing a field of coleslaw. You push through three metres of slightly damp grass and the whole works clog up, the blades struggle, and you have to stop and dig it out by hand. That's a kind of fun you only read about in magazines. Bullshit Mowing Monthly, for example.
By the time I've finished, the parts I initially cut a few days ago are already looking shaggy, and you pretty much have to tackle it right then and there in case it rains and becomes out of control. At this point I see the virtues of paving it over.
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