Once Upon a Lie

Sometimes life gives you the opportunity to entertain and people pass it up completely. The world is full of interesting set-ups, but few people tend to capitalize on this. How can this be done, you ask?

By lying of course.

Okay, here's an example. A guy showed me his cellphone today and it was smashed nearly beyond recognition. I asked him what happened and this was his story:

"I was running across the parking lot and it fell out of my pocket."

What kind of story is that?! If you've got a demolished expensive device it's your duty to give a good story. Here's how I would have sweetened it up with some lies:

"Oh my phone? Man, that was hellish. Did you hear about that bus accident last week? No? It was in the paper and everything. Well I was up this tree near the edge of the woods right outside of town. You know right as you get on the highway? Anyway, I was up the tree collecting inchworms when this bus comes out of Goddamn nowhere.

That bus must have hit a pothole the size of wading pool cause this bitch comes flying off the road and nails the tree I'm in, snapping the friggin' thing in half, and I get flung out of there like a slingshot. Both my shoes whip off me and one of them killed a bird overhead.

Right, so I land on the top of this bus and I roll the whole length of the bus doing somersaults; I must've done 7 or 8 full rotations before going over the back end and landing in the grass. Luckily my cellphone was alright cause I had it in the inside pocket of my jacket.

Then this gypsy came out of the woods and kicked me in the chest. Right in the damn pocket. She was wearing steel toed boots that were 6 sizes too big and filled with sand; you know how gypsies are ... just to add weight to their kicks. Anyway, long story short my cellphone got busted up pretty bad."

Not only is that more entertaining, even if people know you're lying, they recognize the effort.