And So This Is Christmas

Well before anyone knew it Christmas has come and gone yet again, and although it's late to be doing so, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Remember, that Christmas can last as long as you want, or at least as long as you can survive on only turkey sandwiches and nog.

Christmas felt particularly tame this year, and it seems that I, friends, and family all had a light version of the usually holiday blowout we've enjoyed in past years. I blame the economy and Sarah Palin. Hey! Fun fact. Did you know that Sarah Palin is actually a cluster of silkworms painted to look like a woman? Well, now you know.

I've done my best to feel the Christmas spirit by decorating, listening to Christmas carols, and watching holiday specials. But as usual what I really want for the holidays is snow, and Korean winters aren't really equipped for snow. On the Monday before Christmas I was at the gym in the evening, and as I was leaving, the manager warned me of the weather outside, saying that it was very "slippery" and "dangerous". I thanked him for his concern and told him I would take my chances, but deep down I was half-excited that I might see a blanket of snow, or freezing ice pellets, or something to remind me of Canada. When I got outside, I was met with the lightest of snowfalls floating to earth.

I took my time walking home, enjoying the snow, and it was one of the few true Christmas moments I had this year. Sadly it had all melted by morning. What amused me though was that I had been warned that it was dangerous. For me, a dangerous amount of snow is one that requires military intervention. For Koreans, it seems to be any amount of snow that reaches the ground. When I was a kid we used to always get incredible snowfalls that were perfect for building forts. I don't think Korean kids know the joys of digging tunnels through mounds of snow, or schools closing because the roads are slippery.

Once in Halifax I opened my front door to encounter a wall of snow with the imprint of the door in it, and I had to dig my way out with a broom. Another time me and friend braved an intense snowstorm to go get hamburgers. We were bundled up as if we were ascending Everest, and the blowing snow limited our vision at times to a few feet. If some of my students had witnessed that weather, it might look as if the end of the world was near, but at the time, it was simply an obstacle in the way of food. These are the memories that come to mind when I think of dangerous snow, and I'm sure my brother could top any of these stories.

Anyway, I wish you all happy holidays. I hope the festive season and New Year bring you whatever you desire most. Be it a the company of someone you love, a thoughtful gift, or an avalanche of snow.

Mitch & Roland: #48 Kid

So the weekend is here and you're not too sure how to entertain yourself. Well how about becoming a Big Brother? Finally a way to pass along your vast knowledge and some essential life lessons without the bother of having a younglin' of your own.

'Cause when you get right down to it, having a child is a big messy affair ... like getting a dog. Sure, they're cute, but the adorable factor lessens when you have to break out the mop for the twentieth time. Babies are more acceptable in short bursts. Now that I think about it, we really need a business that rents out puppies for the weekend.

Delicious Cargo: Breaking the Delivery Boy Code

Everywhere I go there are food deliveries being made on motorbikes and scooters. And much of the time these deliveries are being made with a complete disregard for traffic laws and/or human safety. Yet, there isn't much fuss over the dangerous actions of the delivery boys. They live by a set of rules we must not worry ourselves with. But through careful observation, I've compiled some of those rules. Enjoy.

- The delivery of the food order must be of your utmost concern. Everything else, including fires, escaped deranged animals, and women giving birth on the street, should be ignored.

- Red lights only apply to vehicles that are larger than your bike.

- You may, if necessary, make use of sub-lanes to reach you destination. Sub-lanes are paths reserved for, and only visible to, delivery boys, and include the spaces between cars in actual lanes, sidewalks, alleyways, stairs, outdoor cafes, and between people's legs.

- If possible you should chain smoke at all times while on a delivery. Not only does it keep you focused while speeding, it's a great way to look cool for your girlfriend - who is likely desperately clinging to you from the rear seat.

- When traversing narrow side streets at blinding speeds, never slow down at an intersection. If you must make a turn, go even faster after completing it to make up for lost time.

- Because your vehicle has only two wheels it can be classed as a pedestrian. Make use crosswalks when helpful, and don't be afraid to take your bike on the bus.

-To make tighter and more efficient 90 degree turns, anchor yourself by grasping a signpost, railing, or fat child.

-If there are multiple deliveries to make on a single trip, don't bother to come to a complete stop when dropping off the food. Instead hurl the order through an open window or plow your way into the customer's house and then use a sub-lane to your next destination.

- Remember, if the food your delivering is not hot enough to burn the mouth of the waiting customer, you are not really a man. So gun it already.

Mitch & Roland: #47 Control

Hey, do you like video games? Sure you do. Who doesn't? Well I've got a surprise for you. Guess what it is.

No ... not that. No. No, it isn't that either. What? No. That's just stupid. No, no, no. That doesn't even make sense, Mario isn't a real person, and even if he was, how would he ride a horse? Anyway, stop guessing. The surprise is that this comic makes reference to video games. Suck in all that goodness, gamers. This one's free.