Everywhere I go there are food deliveries being made on motorbikes and scooters. And much of the time these deliveries are being made with a complete disregard for traffic laws and/or human safety. Yet, there isn't much fuss over the dangerous actions of the delivery boys. They live by a set of rules we must not worry ourselves with. But through careful observation, I've compiled some of those rules. Enjoy.
- The delivery of the food order must be of your utmost concern. Everything else, including fires, escaped deranged animals, and women giving birth on the street, should be ignored.
- Red lights only apply to vehicles that are larger than your bike.
- You may, if necessary, make use of sub-lanes to reach you destination. Sub-lanes are paths reserved for, and only visible to, delivery boys, and include the spaces between cars in actual lanes, sidewalks, alleyways, stairs, outdoor cafes, and between people's legs.
- If possible you should chain smoke at all times while on a delivery. Not only does it keep you focused while speeding, it's a great way to look cool for your girlfriend - who is likely desperately clinging to you from the rear seat.
- When traversing narrow side streets at blinding speeds, never slow down at an intersection. If you must make a turn, go even faster after completing it to make up for lost time.
- Because your vehicle has only two wheels it can be classed as a pedestrian. Make use crosswalks when helpful, and don't be afraid to take your bike on the bus.
-To make tighter and more efficient 90 degree turns, anchor yourself by grasping a signpost, railing, or fat child.
-If there are multiple deliveries to make on a single trip, don't bother to come to a complete stop when dropping off the food. Instead hurl the order through an open window or plow your way into the customer's house and then use a sub-lane to your next destination.
- Remember, if the food your delivering is not hot enough to burn the mouth of the waiting customer, you are not really a man. So gun it already.
1 comment:
That is the most awesome photo of you ever.
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