Whack in a Box

And so Lone Panel comics return, now in "raging color" (Not to be confused with 'roid rage).
Enjoy.

Multitasking: The Long Lost Secret of the Aztecs

It certainly has been a while since I've posted. What on earth has been keeping me so busy? Oh right. My constant battle with orcs.

I have a few short comics and drawings I'm ready to post, yet currently I'm without a scanner to bring those worthless "paper" images into the kick ass realm of "digital". I don't even have a digital camera, which was my image stealing device of choice since the beginning of this blog. Oh well. I should have access to a scanner soon, so don't fret.

I really have to budget my time between writing, drawing, work, relationships, family, friends, leisure time, and battling orcs. And sometimes it's a tricky juggling act. On the weekend I witnessed a dude who had multitasking down to a science. When I was using a public washroom I noticed him at the urinal, doing his business, while brushing his teeth.

Cleanin' teeth, and going one-handed on the zipper and package. It's risky, and I think it paid off in the long run. I'm certain he saved himself almost 20-30 seconds, and I bet he got that promotion too. What an innovator. I think we should all aspire to that have that level of efficiency.

Where You Can Stick Your Eggs

To Those Who Throw Eggs,

Why are you throwing eggs? It's not Halloween, and there isn't an egg surplus. Don't you realize that we are in an economic downturn? You should be saving those eggs for important and useful things, like reserve omelets.

I understand that there is satisfaction in tossing eggs and hearing a wet crack, making a sticky mess, and causing general havoc. But when you throw eggs at strangers at night, that's not fun, it's being an asshat. Do you want to be known as a stupid prick? Because your actions seem to suggest as such.

I've not been hit with eggs myself, but it's happened on multiple occasions to people I know and care about, more recently to someone who was obviously minding their business and was pelted by a group of teenagers. So, as you may imagine, I'm less than pleased. Ganging up and assaulting someone, even with something as silly as eggs, is thoughtless and cruel. Maybe the next time you run up to a stranger to hurl an egg in their face you'll realize too late that it's your sibling or grandmother.

So why do it, you mean-spirited ignorant twits? Find a more productive use of your time and eggs, and grow up. You're now on my list of enemies, you f**king dolts.

Update! Vocal Overkill Strikes Again!

You may recall that last week I went on a bit of a rant about the nine-member pop girl group SNSD. I even jokingly made up 12 members for a girl group I would like to start to compete with them. You know, because it's excessive, and funny as a result. But I must share something that has recently come to my attention.

Living in Korea, I've been familiar with the name "Super Junior" as a boy band that my students seem to like (mostly girls). I was only dimly aware of who they are: a popular group made up of young effeminate guys. But I was recently told how many members make up the group. Let me tell you ... (deep breath)

THIRTEEN! Holy Jesus Shit Basket! Wha- ...ba-...do you know what this means!? This means that my imaginary group - my deliberate exaggeration - still falls short of an actual Goddamn group! Thirteen! A baker's dozen! N Sync + New Kids on the Block + The Jonas Brothers!

I can't deal with this. My mind says it isn't real. I sorta recall seeing a music video of theirs in the past, and for whatever reason, it never donned on me that the group was that large. When I saw a crowd of dudes dancing together, my brain rejected the possibility that they were all the singers of the group.

And you know what's hilarious? When Super Junior debuted in 2005 there were only twelve members (only, ha ha). But in May of 2006 they added a thirteenth member. I guess the group felt incomplete. Yeah, something was missing and that thirteenth vocalist really sealed the deal. Did the twelve original members not have enough talent to get by? God, I don't know, it's all madness at this point.

So, in conclusion, when I was joking about nine girls singing together as a group, it turns out that the real joke was on me. Now I'm afraid that at any moment a co-worker or student is going to tell me about some forty-five member mega group that's been popular since the 90's.

Actually, since I just said forty-five, it'll probably be forty-six.

A Mouth in Flames and Animals that Rock Out

Two things I learned this weekend:

1) If a menu says that something is "very spicy", watch the eff out. I learned this the hard way when I ordered a seafood noodle dish that made this claim. I laughed and said to the waiter, "I care not for your warnings, food steward! Bring forth the spice!"

One mouthful later my brain ignited. I was immediately thrown into a hiccuping fit, and began sweating. I can't be sure, but I believe the main ingredient was lava. Because of this, I came nowhere near finishing it. I have never experienced anything like that before; it destroyed my mouth, gave me a terrible headache, and left me feeling like my stomach was filled with a pile of burning embers.

Don't let it happen to you! And also...

2) Korean teens like to dress up like animals for concerts. Girls, specifically. I was hanging around Olympic Park with friends on Sunday and witnessed thousands of people congregating for a Big Bang concert. Big Bang is a K-pop/ hip-hop group that all adolescent Korean girls are required by law to adore.

Almost every girl was either wearing or clutching some sort of Big Bang merchandise, but what was surprising was that many were dressed up in full-body costumes of animals. I saw girls dressed like dogs, bears, foxes, chickens, horses, cats, cows, and turtles. The costumes reminded me of something you'd see a baby doll wearing in a toy store, except full sized, and as far as I know dressing up like an animal has no connection to Big Bang at all.

I suppose its done out of childish fun and the pursuit for attention. But most importantly, if G-Dragon looks out into the audience to find a girl to bring up on stage, he's bound to notice a giant chicken.