Things I Hate: "Stuck On You" Edition

Life isn't perfect, so let's bitch about it.

Gelato Toppings

Sometimes I like to indulge in the divine decadence of Italian ice cream (gelato). Or sometimes I just go in the store to look at all the delicious displays. Each container of ice cream usually is covered with a topping to represent that flavour. Chocolate has chocolate chips, strawberry has strawberries, green tea has tea leaves, etc. It's not rocket science. Then I noticed what was on the vanilla ice cream: crackers. Crackers? Crackers! Saltine crackers! Who the hell made that decision? If you can't find something vanilla related to stick on your ice cream, then go with nothing! Nothing is a smarter choice than crackers. Man! Is it because they share a similar colour, or that vanilla is a boring flavour much like a cracker, or is it because someone is an idiot? Soup crackers!? Crackers!

Stickers on Things

If you're human, you likely purchase things. And you've likely grown more and more pissed off at all the damn stickers you've had to carefully pick off those purchases. What is wrong with these stores and companies that find these super adhesive price tags to forever scar an object. Why isn't there some government regulated stickiness committee to monitor this shit? Sometimes I buy a book with a sticker than peels off in one clean swipe. Then I'll buy a DVD and spend the better part of the evening trying to remove forty pricing and security stickers. Stickers that, once painfully picked off, still leave behind a rectangle of glue so it looks like someone blew their nose all over your media. Whoever invented these hell stickers should be wrapped in them and kicked into a bonfire.

Foods that Won't Peel

You know what I'm talking about. Someone gives you an orange, and half an hour later you realize why you never eat oranges any more. Because they don't peel for shit. You try to carefully work the skin off, but it only breaks away in tiny pellet-sized clumps, each time spraying citric acid in your face. Soon you're tearing away at it like an animal, and cursing fruit in general. And it's not just oranges. Eggs! Why is it that if you boil eggs, some of them slip out of the shell like they're begging to be devoured, and others fuse to the shell like they were filled with wood glue? And bananas! The easiest fruit to peel in the world, and it still leaves behind a half dozen strands of fibrous bullshit to pick off. Or potatoes! Unless you have the perfectly sharp paring knife on hand, peeling potatoes is a pain in the ass. It's like an arthritis simulation. Sometimes after making some fruit or potato salad I run from my house with my crippled hands in the air and scream into the nearest mailbox until I see stars.