Delay: The Movie!

It's Monday, but I'm afraid Round III of the movie challenge will have to be pushed back a week. Don't get mad, I warned you this might happen. I do have a job and stuff. For real.

If you're still struggling with some of the titles from Movies Associated, you can find the answers over here. And hey, it looks like Cake is gonna win against Pie, but this is not completely unexpected. Cake is the universal celebratory baked good. Be sure to watch out as each month a new showdown will appear. Also, here is a picture to appease you in the absence of a movie challenge. Stay cool.

Castaway Coins and Filthy Bathroom Pumps?

I hate pennies. They are worthless. Nobody wants to keep them. There's never a good opportunity to use them. People toss them aside like half finished cigarettes, and just like cigarette butts only desperate people pick them up. There's a reason people use credit cards and debit cards; because handling coins is tedious and annoying.

Let me tell you a story about why pennies suck. While I was at university I saved up all my pennies whenever I got them. After university I counted them, rolled them, went to the bank, waited in line, and got back less than five dollars. What a waste of time and effort. Four years of accumulated this filthy discs and I couldn't even make the smallest bill, I just went back home with different coins.

And they are filthy. Money is pretty gross when you think about it too long. I'm not a super clean person, but even I cringe at the idea of holding a big mound of greasy coins. Pennies are the worst; they're like the hobo of the coin family. Practically every penny you come across looks like you'd need a tetanus shot after handling it.

I know we hear about it in the news every now and then that pennies will eventually be phased out, but I say it can't happen soon enough. I'd love to see nickels eliminated too. We'll still have enough coin variety to weigh our pockets down, don't worry. Progress, people, let's make it happen.

Getting back to the germ topic, I think that are some really dumb cleaning products out there. Anyone else remember "Fit", the stupid cleansing liquid for fruits and vegetables? Yeah, let's forget that people have been washing produce with water since forever and start using food soap. Morons.

Anyway, the most recent idiotic product that rubs me the wrong way are these touchless handsoap dispensers. The main pitch seems to be avoiding contact with the germ infested handsoap pump. Using this product is apparently way more hygienic. C'mon, people! Let's use some common sense. Whether the pump is covered in germs or not makes no difference at all ... AT ALL! Why? Because as soon as you touch it, the very next thing you do ... is wash your hands!! Goddamn all mighty Cheeto frog diaper!

Why should you waste money on an expensive soap dispenser, batteries, and overpriced refills when you still have to deal with shutting off a germ covered water tap and opening a dirty bathroom door?

Monday Movie Challenge - Round II

It's that time again!

Here's another movie type game thing that I thought up while bored at work. I call it "Movies Associated". The basic idea is that I give you a movie title where all the words are replaced with new words that you might associate with the previous words. It could be opposites, synonyms, or just related words. For example, the clue Baked Blue Bananas would actually be Fried Green Tomatoes. Or Diamond-Toe would be Goldfinger. I think you get the idea.

So take a shot at naming all the movies listed below and feel free to throw some back at me. Also, since I'm going to try and do this weekly (try being the key word), I'm trying to think of an elegant solution for posting the previous weeks answers in a way that will keep it hidden for those who haven't played yet, or for those who don't wish to accidentally read them. Any suggestions on that would be welcome too. I'm sure there's an obvious solution, but I'm a little slow. Peace!

1. The Filthy Twelve
2. The Infinite Tale
3. Steel Small
4. German Cake
5. The Ocean Tame
6. Dentist Yes
7. The Wire Dude
8. Poor-stomach Hill
9. Battle Stick
10. Knife Jogger
11. Ass Door
12. The Deaf Edge
13. The Tennis Agendas
14. White Goat
15. Tired Full
16. The Powerful Chickens
17. The Clock Contraption
18. Waking Pretty
19. Pencil-face
20. Beast Mansion
21. Absurd Math
22. Red Silk
23. A Sexy Brain
24. Severed Pointer
25. Hate As-a-matter-of-fact

NOTE: I've added the answers below! I wouldn't want you to lose sleep over it.

Adventures in Paper: Crane in the Neck

It's time for another installment of Adventures in Paper. As you may know, one of the most well known origami models is the crane. Anybody who has had the slightest inclination to fold paper would have tried this at some point. Every package of origami paper I've ever bought has come with instructions to fold it. The crane is practically the mascot for origami, and here's it is folded with standard 15 x 15cm paper:

The origami crane is a symbol of peace and good fortune, and they say that if you fold 1000 of them you will have a wish granted. My guess is that if you actually did fold 1000 of them you'd only wish for a cure for your ragin' arthritis.

In any case, I've folded plenty of cranes in my life but one day I was struck with an idea; I may not have the time to fold a thousand of these little buggers, but I wonder how small I could make one. Ladies and gentlemen, I had myself a challenge.

Well the logical step after folding a normal sized crane would be to fold a slightly smaller one. I would have to ease myself into this. I busted out the mini origami paper and folded this with a 7.5 x 7.5cm sheet. I little bit tricky, but no sweat.

Okay, that certainly is smaller, but who cares? My next step was to take a fourth of the 7.5cm paper and fold a crane. My fat fingers were getting in the way, but I managed it. Here is the crane I folded with 3.75 x 3.75cm paper.

I was proud of this one, but where do I go from here? There's only one way to go ... smaller, damn it. Take a fourth of the previous paper size and you got yourself a 1.87 x 1.87cm sheet of origami paper. I knew this model meant business when I began sweating from the concentration. Fingers are useless at this point and it's all about using fingernails like tweezers. After more than ten minutes of folding, I had this:

That crane was difficult enough that I felt I had achieved something. Not something I could put on a resume, but something. It had been hard as hell to fold, but the time had come to separate the men from the boys who cant fold shit. My last and smallest attempt was with 0.93 x 0.93cm paper. Thirty excruciatingly tedious minutes later ...

Bam. Now that's a small crane. This crane took two attempts to achieve because the first try I dropped the crane by accident and it fell between the keys of my computer keyboard and was lost forever. That's the kind of tiny I'm talking about. I had to hold my breath nearly the whole time for fear of exhaling it across the room into the carpet, or worse, inhaling it.

All in all, I felt proud for having done it. With nothing but my bare hands and a lot of patience, I had made the smallest ass origami crane I'd ever seen. The only thing I could do after that was fold a box to keep it in so I wouldn't lose the damn thing.

Monday Movie Challenge - Round I

Since I spend ample time on this blog talking about things that bother me, or things I hate, I also wanted to give some space to stuff I love. Movies!

I love movie, you love movies, who doesn't love movies? When inspiration strikes me, I like to make games about movies. Here's a recent one I made called "Movie That Name".

The way it works is that there are many movie titles with first and/or last names in them. I've taken these movies and combined the name from the title with the name of the actor or actress who plays that character in the movie. For example, in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jim Carrey plays the character Ace. So I could present that as the clue, Jim Ventura ... or ... Ace Carrey. Of course, that particular one is easy. The movie title doesn't have to have both first and last names, as another example the movie What about Bob? could turn into the clue Bob Murray.

So here are some other ones I've put together. See if you can solve them all. And feel free to comment if you've been stumped by one, or you have one that you think might stump me. Party on.

1. Mike Powers
2. Brad Black
3. Buck Candy
4. Robin Adams
5. Erin Roberts
6. David Roberts
7. George Fox
8. Ray Foxx
9. Kevin Brooks
10. Pam Brown
11. Kevin Gale
12. Matt Ryan
13. Johnny Wood
14. Mary Andrews
15. Steve Murray
16. Diane Hall
17. John Cox
18. James Smith

House O' Cards

A while ago deafening construction began at my workplace, and a month later it hasn't let up. My job involves talking on the phone (the sweetest job, I know) and somehow not being able to hear yourself makes the process, how can I put this, ... stupidly awful.

The foundation of the building is being repaired and it involves using a bunch of jackhammers to rattle the building until you have a migraine in your eyes. I remember jokingly saying to a coworker that we should be given earplugs, except we can't use them because we need to talk on the phone. The next day the supervisors were handing out earplugs. Ha.

The repairs are necessary because of A) it's an old building, and B) the recent earthquake "messed up the foundation". Somehow I feel less than completely safe being inside a building that needs structural repairing. But I'm paranoid like that.

My plan is to buy a parachute and wear it all times and if things look shaky I'll dive out a window to safety. Another possible plan is to quit my job. I'm leaning more towards plan B because I have no idea where to get a parachute. Unless I steal it from an elementary school gym class.

Smoke: A (Long) Rant

Dear Smokers,

Why must you constantly pollute my life? I'm really tired of it. Honestly.

Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, I'm faced with people sucking ash and blowing smoke and it's really annoying. Smokers rarely seem to consider that other people don't smoke and might not enjoy walking through clouds of death at every corner. I realize smokers do have the right to smoke, and the places they can smoke is limited, but I still feel that's not enough. I can't go to the bank, to the grocery store, or even out my door without having to pass by and breathe the fumes of some inconsiderate jackass.

I've heard people who smoke say, "Look, if it bothers you, just walk away." But it's not that easy. While you're walking away, you'll run into another smoker, and another, and another, until your only escape is running back home or straight into the ocean.

In my case, home isn't even a proper sanctuary. My apartment is unfortunately located right above the apartment's front entrance, and so people are always congregating there and puffing away. What does that mean for me? Well it means that I can't leave any of my windows open for more than 20-30 minutes at a time without suddenly smelling cigarette smoke. This is particularly aggravating during the hot summer days when opening a window is a desperate attempt to breathe and circulate fresh air. They just come back again and again and again, all day, all night. I'm this close to throwing bricks.

I really can't comprehend the minds of people who can be suffocating in the summer's hottest and most humid weather, and still decide to head outside and inhale fire. What the hell is wrong with you? This is an addiction I can't even fathom. I'm a fat ass, and my addiction is food. But when the weather is 40 degrees with the humidity, I can't even think about eating something hot. I just sprawl out on the floor, eating ice, and concentrating on not dying.

Another argument I've heard smokers make is, "Why do you always complain about smokers when cars are polluting the environment far more. You don't complain about them." Well, it's an interesting point, but in the long run, cars at least serve a purpose and are useful. Yes, they are polluting the air, but for now they are necessary, which is more than I can say for cigarettes.

And besides, I don't own a car. I rely on public transport and walking to get around, and this has less impact on the environment than someone who drives around all day. So what's my reward? I get to breathe smoke everyday to and from work, without fail. I leave my apartment and the hallway may reek of smoke, then I have to get out the front entrance where people are smoking. As I walk to work I constantly find myself behind someone smoking, like I'm riding caboose on the cancer train. I try to get out of the way, and I run into more people smoking in groups, or smoking out their car windows. I finally get to work, and the front entrance has a flock of smoking wads hanging around. Enough is enough! Stop smoking!

Also, don't you love how smokers treat the world like their own personal ashtray. Thanks for leaving your filthy cigarette butts scattered everywhere. What? You think it doesn't count as littering because they're small or something? You smoke twenty times a day flicking your trash everywhere, you insensitive prick. Stop smoking!

I really can't feel bad about bitching over smokers. It's like trying to feel bad for telling someone not to rub asbestos in their eyes several times a day. Smoking, without question, is killing people. The people who intentionally smoke, and the people who are forced to smoke around them. It's ridiculous. I'm not just picking on smokers. I hate anyone who let's an addiction harm the people around them; whether is be from alcohol, gambling, food, or anything. It's selfish terrible behavior. Period.

Yesterday I saw two fat women standing outside the grocery store sucking away on their cigarettes. It's bad enough that they were forcing everyone trying to enter or leave the store to breathe their smoke, but the real kicker was that one women was holding her toddler by the hand and the other woman had a baby strapped to her chest. What the hell!? I'm sorry, but someone needs to sock these despicable twits in their brainless heads. Stop smoking!!

It yellows your teeth and fingers, gives you bad breath, makes your clothes and hair reek, and kills your organs! I don't even know why I'm saying this. I know smoking is bad, you know smoking is bad, EVERYONE knows it's bad, and people are still doing it. Why don't you do something good for yourself and quit already?

Stop being a thoughtless selfish person. Stop throwing your tiny bits of burning garbage everywhere. Stop taking a break every 30 minutes at work so you can go outside and hose yourself down with stink. Stop preventing me from being able to open a window and enjoy a summer breeze. Stop buying $12 packs of lung cancer everyday. Stop smoking around your friends, your family, and especially your kids! Just stop goddamn smoking!

Please.

Sincerely,

Shane