Smoke: A (Long) Rant

Dear Smokers,

Why must you constantly pollute my life? I'm really tired of it. Honestly.

Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, I'm faced with people sucking ash and blowing smoke and it's really annoying. Smokers rarely seem to consider that other people don't smoke and might not enjoy walking through clouds of death at every corner. I realize smokers do have the right to smoke, and the places they can smoke is limited, but I still feel that's not enough. I can't go to the bank, to the grocery store, or even out my door without having to pass by and breathe the fumes of some inconsiderate jackass.

I've heard people who smoke say, "Look, if it bothers you, just walk away." But it's not that easy. While you're walking away, you'll run into another smoker, and another, and another, until your only escape is running back home or straight into the ocean.

In my case, home isn't even a proper sanctuary. My apartment is unfortunately located right above the apartment's front entrance, and so people are always congregating there and puffing away. What does that mean for me? Well it means that I can't leave any of my windows open for more than 20-30 minutes at a time without suddenly smelling cigarette smoke. This is particularly aggravating during the hot summer days when opening a window is a desperate attempt to breathe and circulate fresh air. They just come back again and again and again, all day, all night. I'm this close to throwing bricks.

I really can't comprehend the minds of people who can be suffocating in the summer's hottest and most humid weather, and still decide to head outside and inhale fire. What the hell is wrong with you? This is an addiction I can't even fathom. I'm a fat ass, and my addiction is food. But when the weather is 40 degrees with the humidity, I can't even think about eating something hot. I just sprawl out on the floor, eating ice, and concentrating on not dying.

Another argument I've heard smokers make is, "Why do you always complain about smokers when cars are polluting the environment far more. You don't complain about them." Well, it's an interesting point, but in the long run, cars at least serve a purpose and are useful. Yes, they are polluting the air, but for now they are necessary, which is more than I can say for cigarettes.

And besides, I don't own a car. I rely on public transport and walking to get around, and this has less impact on the environment than someone who drives around all day. So what's my reward? I get to breathe smoke everyday to and from work, without fail. I leave my apartment and the hallway may reek of smoke, then I have to get out the front entrance where people are smoking. As I walk to work I constantly find myself behind someone smoking, like I'm riding caboose on the cancer train. I try to get out of the way, and I run into more people smoking in groups, or smoking out their car windows. I finally get to work, and the front entrance has a flock of smoking wads hanging around. Enough is enough! Stop smoking!

Also, don't you love how smokers treat the world like their own personal ashtray. Thanks for leaving your filthy cigarette butts scattered everywhere. What? You think it doesn't count as littering because they're small or something? You smoke twenty times a day flicking your trash everywhere, you insensitive prick. Stop smoking!

I really can't feel bad about bitching over smokers. It's like trying to feel bad for telling someone not to rub asbestos in their eyes several times a day. Smoking, without question, is killing people. The people who intentionally smoke, and the people who are forced to smoke around them. It's ridiculous. I'm not just picking on smokers. I hate anyone who let's an addiction harm the people around them; whether is be from alcohol, gambling, food, or anything. It's selfish terrible behavior. Period.

Yesterday I saw two fat women standing outside the grocery store sucking away on their cigarettes. It's bad enough that they were forcing everyone trying to enter or leave the store to breathe their smoke, but the real kicker was that one women was holding her toddler by the hand and the other woman had a baby strapped to her chest. What the hell!? I'm sorry, but someone needs to sock these despicable twits in their brainless heads. Stop smoking!!

It yellows your teeth and fingers, gives you bad breath, makes your clothes and hair reek, and kills your organs! I don't even know why I'm saying this. I know smoking is bad, you know smoking is bad, EVERYONE knows it's bad, and people are still doing it. Why don't you do something good for yourself and quit already?

Stop being a thoughtless selfish person. Stop throwing your tiny bits of burning garbage everywhere. Stop taking a break every 30 minutes at work so you can go outside and hose yourself down with stink. Stop preventing me from being able to open a window and enjoy a summer breeze. Stop buying $12 packs of lung cancer everyday. Stop smoking around your friends, your family, and especially your kids! Just stop goddamn smoking!

Please.

Sincerely,

Shane