The Ipod has certainly proved itself to me as being the most awesome music tool I've ever owned. It's just a good tool in general. Last week I had to navigate my way to my basement to replace a fuse and it was my trusty Ipod that shone the way. How's that for thinking outside the box?
In days of yore I used to tote around my discman and half a dozen cds in a backpack to enjoy tunes. Kids today probably know nothing about discs skipping, but that was a constant concern before I 'leveled up' to anti-skip. Cripes, I could hardly walk around with my cd player without it convulsing to a halt every few steps.
I guess that's one of those things that will define my generation. While my parents used to talk to me about 8 tracks, records, and the difficulties in maintaining them, I suppose I'll be regaling my children with stories about keeping my discman steady and parallel to the horizon at all times.
So anyway, when I finally moved up to an mp3 player I used it for years until it basically fell apart. It only held about 30 songs, and from there I made an insane leap to my 30 gig Ipod video. For the past two years I've been utterly spoiled to be able to carry around every song I've ever bought or downloaded in one place. At the same time, I'm filled with the fear having it fall from my pocket and destroy every song I've ever bought or downloaded. With great power comes great responsibility I guess.
At the pace music technology is growing and how much it's changed since I was in junior high I can hardly begin to guess what the next generation will have. My guess is it will be small silver wrist bands that transmit a streaming playlist of every song every recorded to your wireless earphones. And did I mention the earphones are invisible and contain upwards of eleventy billion terabytes of space. Plus when you're bored of listening to songs that do exist, you can set your infinity player to improvise creating songs based on your mood and preferences. Sadly it will take another generation before they can make one that doesn't set parts of your brain on fire. But that'll be their story.
November 25, 2007
November 10, 2007
Hook, Line, and Zapper
This week I heard people talking about something called electrofishing and I was surprised to learn what it was about. Actually, I was more disgusted that surprised.
In a nutshell, electrofishing involves using an electric current to draw fish to your boat and capture them easily. With two electrodes in the water (anode and cathode) and the correct current, nearby fish will begin swimming involuntarily toward the anode and then become briefly paralyzed or stunned when they reach it. Sometimes this isn't the case and the fish will begin jumping out of the water, making it even easier to net them.
Right off the bat - what the frig? Is anyone else sort of disturbed by this?
Okay, I'll admit that most of the sites I found talking about electrofishing explained how it's a good way to capture fish alive for surveys and assessing the types and number of fish in ponds, lakes, and whatnot. That's what they are advertised for, but I'm certain this technology is abused ... a lot.
People are zapping ponds and lakes to catch fish. The fish can't do anything but swim to their doom, and then go into a state of narcosis so some jack off can scoop them out of the water. I can't believe they have the balls to call this fishing. It's the equivalent of lighting the woods on fire and waiting by the road for a deer to come running out so you can shoot it.
In a nutshell, electrofishing involves using an electric current to draw fish to your boat and capture them easily. With two electrodes in the water (anode and cathode) and the correct current, nearby fish will begin swimming involuntarily toward the anode and then become briefly paralyzed or stunned when they reach it. Sometimes this isn't the case and the fish will begin jumping out of the water, making it even easier to net them.
Right off the bat - what the frig? Is anyone else sort of disturbed by this?
Okay, I'll admit that most of the sites I found talking about electrofishing explained how it's a good way to capture fish alive for surveys and assessing the types and number of fish in ponds, lakes, and whatnot. That's what they are advertised for, but I'm certain this technology is abused ... a lot.
People are zapping ponds and lakes to catch fish. The fish can't do anything but swim to their doom, and then go into a state of narcosis so some jack off can scoop them out of the water. I can't believe they have the balls to call this fishing. It's the equivalent of lighting the woods on fire and waiting by the road for a deer to come running out so you can shoot it.
October 27, 2007
Mitch & Roland: #33 Treat
Halloween lands on a Wednesday this year, which is a real shame, so I hope everyone is making this weekend their official Halloween shindig. I don't have much to do this Halloween besides carving a couple pumpkins. I still may dump a huge pile of candy on the floor and roll around in it for old times sake.
So to my readers, friends, and family ... may you all have a spook-tacular, boo-tastical, fright-erific, Choco-ween. And here is the second Halloween comic for Mitch and Roland.
So to my readers, friends, and family ... may you all have a spook-tacular, boo-tastical, fright-erific, Choco-ween. And here is the second Halloween comic for Mitch and Roland.
October 24, 2007
Johann "Poppy Seed" Bach
As I perused the Dollarama (Latin for poor), I spotted a music CD titled "Bach and Bagels". I'll let you think about that for a while.
I don't know why bagels are involved. There was even a bagel coated in cream cheese on the cover. When I flipped it over and read the track listing all I could find was musical pieces composed by Bach. None of them seemed to have anything to do with bagels.
Did Bach enjoy bagels? Are the makers of this CD suggesting that I should eat bagels while listening to this music? Will the two complement one another? I have no idea.
Just another delightful discovery made at your local dollar-priced item distributor. I suggest you pick up "Bach and Bagels" and explore the mystery yourself. It would really go well with that cheese grater you picked up that will break the minute you rub anything more solid than a rotting banana against it.
I don't know why bagels are involved. There was even a bagel coated in cream cheese on the cover. When I flipped it over and read the track listing all I could find was musical pieces composed by Bach. None of them seemed to have anything to do with bagels.
Did Bach enjoy bagels? Are the makers of this CD suggesting that I should eat bagels while listening to this music? Will the two complement one another? I have no idea.
Just another delightful discovery made at your local dollar-priced item distributor. I suggest you pick up "Bach and Bagels" and explore the mystery yourself. It would really go well with that cheese grater you picked up that will break the minute you rub anything more solid than a rotting banana against it.
October 19, 2007
In Case of Fire ... Weep
Honestly, there has got to be no greater money making scheme than that of 'Insurance'. Along with the laughing casino people, insurance has found a wondrous method of collecting money in exchange for nothing.
The reason I'm suddenly going off on insurance is because since I've returned to Canada it seems like I get dozens of phone calls a week from people hawking their insurance coverage plans. It's ridiculous and I'm getting thoroughly sick of it.
"Did you know that you qualify for our life insurance package?"
"If you keeping goddamn calling, I'm gonna make sure you qualify for a wheelchair!"
Stores and businesses who have no business offering insurance are doing it now. And no wonder. Who wouldn't want to branch out and begin collecting money while offering zip?
Well, that's not true...they do offer some things. They provide a service of arguing over what you're entitled to when you do come to collect.
Nothing about insurance makes any sense. You're paying into a plan that only gives compensation to the events that are least likely to occur. Well, what the frig kind of sense does that make? I thought the whole point was to protect oneself from the financial burden of things that could happen. Let's say you live in a house with trees around it. Insurance companies will not cover you in the event of a tree falling and damaging your house. Why? Because that is something that may happen. They have the balls to look people in the face and tell them this.
"Can I get insurance in case of a flood?"
"Heeeeeeeell, no."
"Why not?"
"Well for starters, you live in an area that occasionally floods."
"...Yeah...This is precisely why I need that insurance."
"No, that's precisely why we won't give it to you."
Unbelievable. And let's say you live on a mountain, and for some reason a flood does damage your home. Don't expect the insurance to parachute in and give you a bag of cash. The insurance police will show up and investigate your claim. I mean, how do we know you didn't cause that flood? Did you do everything in your power to prevent it? Why did you sit idly by and not stop it? You make me sick!
If you're getting a cheque from an insurance company, life must have really screwed you sideways, because even they can't detect a loophole. When I think about it, I'm shocked that there is such a thing as life insurance that pays out in the event of a person's death. Death is guaranteed, which seems to go against everything insurance is about.
The reason I'm suddenly going off on insurance is because since I've returned to Canada it seems like I get dozens of phone calls a week from people hawking their insurance coverage plans. It's ridiculous and I'm getting thoroughly sick of it.
"Did you know that you qualify for our life insurance package?"
"If you keeping goddamn calling, I'm gonna make sure you qualify for a wheelchair!"
Stores and businesses who have no business offering insurance are doing it now. And no wonder. Who wouldn't want to branch out and begin collecting money while offering zip?
Well, that's not true...they do offer some things. They provide a service of arguing over what you're entitled to when you do come to collect.
Nothing about insurance makes any sense. You're paying into a plan that only gives compensation to the events that are least likely to occur. Well, what the frig kind of sense does that make? I thought the whole point was to protect oneself from the financial burden of things that could happen. Let's say you live in a house with trees around it. Insurance companies will not cover you in the event of a tree falling and damaging your house. Why? Because that is something that may happen. They have the balls to look people in the face and tell them this.
"Can I get insurance in case of a flood?"
"Heeeeeeeell, no."
"Why not?"
"Well for starters, you live in an area that occasionally floods."
"...Yeah...This is precisely why I need that insurance."
"No, that's precisely why we won't give it to you."
Unbelievable. And let's say you live on a mountain, and for some reason a flood does damage your home. Don't expect the insurance to parachute in and give you a bag of cash. The insurance police will show up and investigate your claim. I mean, how do we know you didn't cause that flood? Did you do everything in your power to prevent it? Why did you sit idly by and not stop it? You make me sick!
If you're getting a cheque from an insurance company, life must have really screwed you sideways, because even they can't detect a loophole. When I think about it, I'm shocked that there is such a thing as life insurance that pays out in the event of a person's death. Death is guaranteed, which seems to go against everything insurance is about.
October 17, 2007
If all your friends jumped off a bridge...
Would you do it too?
The doctor is in again with more informative ... information. This is important stuff here. I'm serious. This just might save your life. Or at the very least your dignity.
The doctor is in again with more informative ... information. This is important stuff here. I'm serious. This just might save your life. Or at the very least your dignity.
October 15, 2007
Candy Corn and Liver Failure
Every year at the end of October, thousands of North Americans injure themselves during Halloween activities. In order to spread awareness of these potential holiday dangers, here is the breakdown of the most common Halloween injuries.
- Drowning in overzealous apple bobbing matches.
- Blinding yourself while cutting eye holes in mask while still wearing mask.
- Trying to eat around the razor blades in your candy.
- Burst stomach from eating too many of those nasty mellocreme pumpkin candies.
- Falling the wrong way on a gourd.
- Accidentally swallowing fake vampire fangs.
- Getting beaten up by angry teenagers when you run out of treats.
- Back injury cause by improper lifting technique of pillowcase filled to brim with fun-sized candy bars.
- Having drunken sex in an abandoned house on the anniversary of a serial killer's demise in said house.
- Holding pumpkin while your father carves it.
- Inhaling clump of decorative spider web.
- Laughing at a knife-wielding midget hobo that you think is just a kid dressed as a hobo.
- Dislocating jaw on caramel apple.
- Tripping on cape in shower while doing the Monster Mash.
- Drowning in overzealous apple bobbing matches.
- Blinding yourself while cutting eye holes in mask while still wearing mask.
- Trying to eat around the razor blades in your candy.
- Burst stomach from eating too many of those nasty mellocreme pumpkin candies.
- Falling the wrong way on a gourd.
- Accidentally swallowing fake vampire fangs.
- Getting beaten up by angry teenagers when you run out of treats.
- Back injury cause by improper lifting technique of pillowcase filled to brim with fun-sized candy bars.
- Having drunken sex in an abandoned house on the anniversary of a serial killer's demise in said house.
- Holding pumpkin while your father carves it.
- Inhaling clump of decorative spider web.
- Laughing at a knife-wielding midget hobo that you think is just a kid dressed as a hobo.
- Dislocating jaw on caramel apple.
- Tripping on cape in shower while doing the Monster Mash.
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