In Case of Fire ... Weep

Honestly, there has got to be no greater money making scheme than that of 'Insurance'. Along with the laughing casino people, insurance has found a wondrous method of collecting money in exchange for nothing.

The reason I'm suddenly going off on insurance is because since I've returned to Canada it seems like I get dozens of phone calls a week from people hawking their insurance coverage plans. It's ridiculous and I'm getting thoroughly sick of it.

"Did you know that you qualify for our life insurance package?"
"If you keeping goddamn calling, I'm gonna make sure you qualify for a wheelchair!"

Stores and businesses who have no business offering insurance are doing it now. And no wonder. Who wouldn't want to branch out and begin collecting money while offering zip?

Well, that's not true...they do offer some things. They provide a service of arguing over what you're entitled to when you do come to collect.

Nothing about insurance makes any sense. You're paying into a plan that only gives compensation to the events that are least likely to occur. Well, what the frig kind of sense does that make? I thought the whole point was to protect oneself from the financial burden of things that could happen. Let's say you live in a house with trees around it. Insurance companies will not cover you in the event of a tree falling and damaging your house. Why? Because that is something that may happen. They have the balls to look people in the face and tell them this.

"Can I get insurance in case of a flood?"
"Heeeeeeeell, no."
"Why not?"
"Well for starters, you live in an area that occasionally floods."
"...Yeah...This is precisely why I need that insurance."
"No, that's precisely why we won't give it to you."

Unbelievable. And let's say you live on a mountain, and for some reason a flood does damage your home. Don't expect the insurance to parachute in and give you a bag of cash. The insurance police will show up and investigate your claim. I mean, how do we know you didn't cause that flood? Did you do everything in your power to prevent it? Why did you sit idly by and not stop it? You make me sick!

If you're getting a cheque from an insurance company, life must have really screwed you sideways, because even they can't detect a loophole. When I think about it, I'm shocked that there is such a thing as life insurance that pays out in the event of a person's death. Death is guaranteed, which seems to go against everything insurance is about.