Giving Thanks for Extra Belt Notches

Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadian friends. And to your families as well. Sure, why not. May the day be filled with gratitude, retrospection, and copious liters of gravy. If you don't know, the traditions of Thanksgiving started in the 1600's when early settlers enjoyed a feast with Native Americans to celebrate obesity. The pilgrims showed Squanto how to make Stove Top stuffing, and the natives showed the pilgrims how to eat corn without getting all those annoying fiber-strands wedged between your teeth.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I always thought it was stupid that Americans celebrate their Turkey Day in the final week of November. With twelve months in a year, American Christmas and Thanksgiving are only about a month apart and they cook and devour a giant bird for each. I think they could have spaced it out a bit.

And speaking of Turkeys, I still have trouble believing in the existence of Turduckens. The first time someone told me that you can buy turkeys stuffed with ducks stuffed with chickens, I thought for sure it was a total lie. At this point I wanted to make a joke about the pure gluttony of many many meats together and how we might as well wrap the whole turducken with bacon and add some sausage. After doing some research on this bastard food, I find it impossible to mock because people do stuff the extra crevices of turduckens with sausage, and they DO wrap the packed bird with bacon. In fact this process of nesting birds inside of birds was once done with 17 birds in 19th century France where (and I quote) "the final bird is small enough that it can be stuffed with a single olive".

And speaking of gluttony, I was thinking the other day about garlic fingers and how strange a food choice they are to have with pizza. Well, just think about it. Only North Americans would look at a giant greasy pizza and go:

"Jeez! You know what would go great with this pizza? A smaller cheese pizza."

"Yeah, I know. If only there was someway we could eat more bread and cheese without technically buying another pizza."

"Well you do have that bucket of garlic butter with you. Let's see if we can work something out."

"That's the spirit!"

Well I gotta get going. There's some serious eating to be done.