Ideas for the Romantically Challenged

Can't figure out what to get your loved one this Valentines Day? Then you are not alone. Every year millions of idiots fail to give an appropriately romantic gift, and end up desperately buying chocolates from a gas station on the way home from work, or hastily shaving their pubic region into a heart, or what may be a dying Pac-man. Wakka - wakka, indeed.

Instead of giving tired gifts like roses, heart shaped things, or cards, why not write a poem for her? If you're not able to write a poem, just copy one out of a poetry collection. There's no way she knows every poem ever written, right? She would be a nerd or a freak if she did, and you don't deserve that. But be sure the poem has something to do with love, of course.

Or why not donate money to have a tree planted in her name, or some other worthwhile cause. Or if you're broke, just say that you did. Hell ... tell her that you had a star named after her. And if she asks which star, or where is the documented proof, be sure to have a puppy on hand for a distraction. Don't worry, most shelters give them away for free.

Why not go all out and paint hearts on a bunch of eggs, put those eggs in a Christmas stocking, and put that stocking in a Jack-o-lantern? Bam! You're done for the year. You just saved yourself a bunch of money, and she thinks you're a creative genius.

Glad I could help.