Monday Movie Challenge - Round VII

It's been a while since I posted one of these. Apologies.

So this one is pretty straightforward and I call it "Hollywood Signs". You must figure out the title of a movie through a series of simple images. Sometimes the color red will help to emphasize some part of the picture. There really not too much to explain. You'll figure it out.

Also, I'm working on some more "Sketch Theatre" movie challenges for some upcoming Mondays. Those have turned out to be my favorite.

Anyway, see if you can solve each row to discover the 4 movies.

Making Salad in a Fifth of a Second

Tired of spending hours in the kitchen chopping, slicing, and dicing your life away? Fed up with those useless kitchen contraptions that take the fun out of cooking? Fear not, for the future of food preparation is here!

It's the Hop 'n' Chop!! Over 400 reinforced micro-steel blades mounted inside a cylindrical base that you sit on to chop food in a fraction of the time. And that's not all, with it's specially engineered handlebars and balanced seating it makes dicing and jumping safe for adults and children alike!

Each Hop 'n' Chop comes with a 12 x 12 foot Kevlar cutting mat to save your hardware floors from the razor sharp nightmare that makes preparing meals a breeze.

The secret of the Hop 'n' Chop's power is its design and the way it uses gravity and your weight to cut through the toughest of land mammals. And with hundreds at your disposal you'll never have to replace a dull blade again. The Hop 'n' Chop uses a unique air-powered blade ejection system to fire used blades a quarter mile into the earth. Presto! It's so easy that even Grandma will give it a try.

Take a look at this 30 pound frozen turkey. Place the Hop 'n' Chop over the bird and one jump later you've got perfect chunks for dinner. A second jump makes it idea for soup. The third jump will make refreshing turkey shakes.

From small jobs like chopping a few bags of onions, to large jobs like mincing the entire contents of your fridge, the Hop 'n' Chop does it all. It's time to get the whole family jumping for joy in the kitchen, and with the revolutionary Hop 'n' Chop a good easily chewable meal is just a hop, chop, and jump away!

Order now!

Adventures in Paper: Stairs, Mountains, and More

This time around let's take a look at kirigami, which translates literally into "cut paper". There are many styles of kirigami, but my favorite, and the one I've spent the most time practicing is all about having the paper folded at 90 degree angles. It creates a three dimensional effect that I think is pretty cool. Here is the first design I learned.

So with just a few cuts of the paper and a few inverted folds you can create the illusion of depth and volume. The illusion only works at 90 degrees, however. It closes up like pop-up book, or it would flatten out if you opened it all the way. Here's another example.

Another thing I really like about kirigami is how much freedom you have. There are some basic structural limitations that I quickly learned, but the possibilities are still numerous. Even though it doesn't have the same clean look, I've been using graph paper to experiment because it's a shortcut around the boring tedium of measuring out every fold. All the designs below are my own that I worked out through trial and error.

This one was an early attempt to break from the shackles of symmetrical balance. Does it resemble a house? A printer? A fireplace? Who knows.

I call this one "Desolation of the Mind's Fortitude and Persistent Agony". If that doesn't make sense, you're not looking hard enough.

One of the most fun things to cut are stairs. As my Grandpa used to say, "Let's get all Escher up in this bitch."

Here's another that would be dangerous if it existed in life size. What can I say? Japanese paper art just isn't wheelchair accessible.

This is an early attempt at a mountain shape, but I think it ended up looking more like a cake.

Here's my favorite I've done so far. Every time I look at it I think about Death Mountain or Minas Tirith.

Here's another angle. Actually, I've found that using the graph paper gives everything a cool blocky pixelated look that I quite enjoy. It makes things look like an 8 bit game extending into 3D or like the game Minecraft.

Here's another attempt at making some sort of mountain terrain. It's got a bridge and everything! Unfortunately with more cuts and more complicated folds the paper becomes less stable and doesn't stand up well on it's own. This is the price of awesomeness.

Here it is in collapsed form. As you can see, kirigami is not only fun, it's folds up to easily fit under your bed. How practical!

That's all for now. I may do another kirigami post in the future, but I think next time I will introduce you to the versatile "Sonobe" and the madness of modular origami.

Perspective

Hey, I've just had a few lousy days weather wise here in Ottawa. Everyday has been snow, rain or a combination. Going outside is an ordeal, and I came to my blog to bitch about it accordingly. I even drew up some cartoons to illustrate the point.

Funny, huh?

Well, as I was uploading the pictures and getting ready to write a few sarcastic paragraphs, the news came on TV announcing a massive earthquake has hit Japan and they cut to some astounding footage of tsunami water washing across the land and decimating towns.

All day I've been griping with friends and coworkers about this rainy weather. I came online to complain about my feet getting wet, then I was utterly humbled by this serious catastrophe. To put it lightly, I feel like a pathetic whiny bitch.

Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of the big picture and how good things are in your life compared to the hardships people face.

I'm The Only Academy That Matters

I hope you're all geared up for the biggest day of television of the year. The Oscars! Dust off your top hat, put on some pants, and get ready for 9 hours of televised trophy exchanges.

Look, I could sit here and mock the Oscars for being stupid, long, and pointless (I can't deny that it's all three), but I have to admit that I look forward to it each year. Movies are such an important part of my life that I can't help but watch and get excited when a movie I like wins, and get pissed off when a movie I like loses.

This is one of the few instances in which I can relate to a sports fan. I'm always baffled at how people can invest so much time and emotion into the outcome of a game played by people they have no real connection to or influence over. But then I find myself tense that a movie I had no part in making may or may not win a meaningless gold statue in a contest I couldn't vote for at an award show I will never attend.

Despite this, I will be watching tonight and I've made my guesses for each category. I usually end up making two lists; the ones I think will win, and the ones I want to win. I'm usually pretty good at guessing the ones that will win, but each year I'm left aghast at some of the Academy's selections (Sandra Bullock winning Best Actress for The Blind Side, Jesus Hand-basket Christ). Just for fun, here are my picks for the three biggest awards of the night.

Best Actor I think will go to Colin Firth for "The King's Speech", but I would like to see James Franco win for "127 Hours". Both great performances based on real people overcoming difficult circumstances, though I think a speech impediment is trumped by sawing off your own arm with the equivalent of a dull butter knife.

Best Actress will go to Natalie Portman for "Black Swan" and that's exactly what I would like to see. Though, for this category it's really bizarre that Hailee Steinfeld from "True Grit" didn't make the list and somehow got stuck on the Best Supporting Actress list. If you've seen "True Grit" (and you most definitely should), you know that Hailee Steinfeld owned that film and she was not part of the supporting cast; she was the goddamn main character. But what are you going to do? The Academy is kind of retarded.

I've seen 7 of the 10 nominees for Best Picture and I think it will go to "The Social Network", but I would much prefer "Black Swan" or "True Grit" to win. Not to say that I disliked "The Social Network", I just enjoyed some of the others a lot more.

Well those are my picks. Tonight we'll see if my team wins. And if not, I plan to be elbow-deep into a plate of nachos to ease the pain.

A Brief Lesson on Family Day

Having grown up in Nova Scotia for much of my life, I had never heard of Family Day before moving to Ottawa, but apparently it is a public holiday observed by nearly 60% of Canadians. All I really care is that it means a paid day off for me, but still I became interested in the origin and traditions of this February holiday. Here now are the customs of Family Day as I've observed:

Traditionally, Canadians will start off their Family Day, much as their forefathers did hundreds of years ago, by sleeping in until whenever they want. It is customary for the children of the household to get up earlier than the parents and watch cartoons while eating a bowl of Froot Loops. This is done in memory of all the families in the past who could not afford Froot Loops.

If the family had been good that year, they would be rewarded by Tarandus, the mystical space caribou, with something worthwhile to watch on TV. But if the family had indeed been naughty, then Tarandus will force them to do laundry and other household chores, even though the weather outside isn't so bad.

Later in the day, the family will set out for their local shopping mall, just like the pilgrims did thousands of years ago. The eldest son will be given the honor of remembering where they parked, and each family member will shop individually and meet up later at an assigned location because the mall closes early out of respect for our ancestors on this holy day.

Because cooking is forbidden on Family Day, each Canadian household will order out. The custom is to eat either chicken from a bucket or pizza from a box much like the days of yore before proper dinnerware was discovered and boxes or buckets were the only available food containers. Each family member will pay tribute to the meal by trying to not argue with each other over pointless bullshit. Traditionally, the greasy napkins, chicken bones, and pizza crusts will be left forgotten near the kitchen sink so that mothers may yell at everyone the next morning.

After dinner, families will congregate around the sacred television or internet and remain immobile for several hours to pay respect to our founding fathers or Jesus or someone. Around nine o'clock Tarandus' spell will break so that children and adults alike will remember that they have to work or study tomorrow, and everyone will complain accordingly. And with that realization, Family Day will have come to an end once more.

May Tarandus bless you and your home, and have a Merry Family Day. Unless you live in British Columbia, Quebec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Newfoundland or any of the territories.

Adventures in Paper: Like Mathematic Snowflakes Part Two

It's time to check out more paper tessellations in my second installment. I know you're excited but calm down. Let's start with one of my favorite patterns known as the clover-fold...

I don't really know why it's called the clover-fold, but I think it looks interesting, and it's challenging. At the end of my last "Adventures in Paper" post I mentioned that doubling the folds seemed to quadruple the results. Below is the same clover-fold using the same sized paper but simply making double the initial creases.

Here is another example of a design I showed last time with double the folds. It implements just a series of triangle twists.

Like many origami tessellations, it can only be fully appreciated with some back lighting. As you can see, it takes on a whole new pattern.

This one below may be my favorite I've done. I think it's a good example of how many shapes and shades can be produced with a single sheet of white paper. The pattern is a double pleat hexagonal tessellation and it uses a similar arrangement of triangle twists.

After a while of folding so many damn triangles, I figured I fold a whole bunch more, but try to fit them closer together.

Here it is again with some sunlight.

This last one is my own design. After folding dozens of tessellations I began experimenting with and combining the folds I'd learned. The end result kind of looks like a mutated flower, star, and snowflake... which is awesome.

Well, that's all for now. Next time I will be showing you the fantastic wonders of cutting and folding paper with the delicate art of Kirigami ... aka the deranged step-brother of Origami.

Ideas for the Romantically Challenged

Can't figure out what to get your loved one this Valentines Day? Then you are not alone. Every year millions of idiots fail to give an appropriately romantic gift, and end up desperately buying chocolates from a gas station on the way home from work, or hastily shaving their pubic region into a heart, or what may be a dying Pac-man. Wakka - wakka, indeed.

Instead of giving tired gifts like roses, heart shaped things, or cards, why not write a poem for her? If you're not able to write a poem, just copy one out of a poetry collection. There's no way she knows every poem ever written, right? She would be a nerd or a freak if she did, and you don't deserve that. But be sure the poem has something to do with love, of course.

Or why not donate money to have a tree planted in her name, or some other worthwhile cause. Or if you're broke, just say that you did. Hell ... tell her that you had a star named after her. And if she asks which star, or where is the documented proof, be sure to have a puppy on hand for a distraction. Don't worry, most shelters give them away for free.

Why not go all out and paint hearts on a bunch of eggs, put those eggs in a Christmas stocking, and put that stocking in a Jack-o-lantern? Bam! You're done for the year. You just saved yourself a bunch of money, and she thinks you're a creative genius.

Glad I could help.