Man, I'm tired of this whole weather thing. Why can't it just pick something and go with it?
With my job I alternate between days off and days I work, and lately it seems like mother nature is out to get me. If I'm off for the day it's all freezing rain and icy wind. The next day when I'm stuck indoors working the sun is out and families are having picnics. Day after that, I'm stuck indoors because of a snow storm. I'm sick and tired of this.
I don't know if it's global warming, but weather is totally spasming. It's supposed to be spring and one day I'm watching a flock of geese fly one direction overhead, fighting the wind and honking miserably. Then a day later I see another flock heading the complete opposite direction. They obviously have no idea what the hell to do, and we're talking about the noble and wise Canadian Goose. I even saw a goose so fed up he dive bombed down a chimney into a roaring fireplace just to end his misery.
Okay, that didn't happen, but you could tell he was thinking it.
March 28, 2008
March 21, 2008
Mitch & Roland: #38 Easter
This weekend, be sure not to overdose on cream filled eggs and marshmallow peeps. While snacking sensibly enjoy this Easter comic that has nothing to do with Jesus. Actually, when I think about it, Easter itself doesn't have a lot to do with Jesus. No offense to anyone, but have you been in any stores lately? Everything sold in connection with this solemn religious day is cute and candy filled.
March 12, 2008
The Now Stew....Later
Just so you know, we're all doomed. To support my case, I present McCain's Slow Cooker Solutions. If you haven't seen the commercials, it's essentially a product that makes using a slow cooker even easier. Here's what Norm Purdy (McCain Foods Director of Marketing) had to say:
"Gone are the days when Moms, or Dads, could afford to spend hours preparing a wholesome, sit-down family dinner, so we've done it for them. They just had to take the tub out of the freezer in the morning, open the packaging, pour contents into a slow cooker, add water, and cook on low. When they come home from work, dinner is ready."
Okay, to start...I don't think we should be calling anything that was dumped frozen out of a tub, wholesome. That's just great, the food abominations are running wild in this society, and now we're introducing a big old bucket of meat and stuff.
And why is it that Moms and Dads had no time to prepare meals anymore? As I'm aware every technological advance and invention since the beginning of time has helped to make life easier and to save time, yet it's 2008 and nobody has time to cook.
Also, slow cookers are the simplest cooking tool ever. Where's all the guesswork? Why do we need solutions for our slow cookers? Were there teams of people poisoning or burning themselves and loved ones while trying to master the art of filling a pot with ingredients and leaving it for the day?
This new product is basically trying to take the "slow" out of slow cooking. Who is in such a Goddamn hurry that they need to prepare something in seconds that they won't eat for ten hours or so? Is the whole day not enough time for a person to make one flipping meal?!
Don't worry Mr and Mrs Busy Consumer, we know you're both too busy to put any attention in the food you serve your family, so why not simmer up a tub of anonymous bits. That way you have more time to use your high speed Internet to do instant banking, or go out and use speed pay to buy more electric staplers and motorized hammocks.
Just picture fifty years down the road when people are calling up their parents:
"Hey Ma? Just thought I'd give you a ring, had a quick question for you. I wanted to make some of that Delicious Beef Stew you used to make, but I couldn't remember the recipe. What was it again? Don't worry I got a pen ready. Open....package. Uh-huh. Add....water. That's it? Oh man....water? I'm gonna have to go look for a cup. What's that? Yeah I know it's gonna take all day, but sometimes you crave that old fashioned taste, you know? We'll thanks a bunch, love you, ma. Bye."
"Gone are the days when Moms, or Dads, could afford to spend hours preparing a wholesome, sit-down family dinner, so we've done it for them. They just had to take the tub out of the freezer in the morning, open the packaging, pour contents into a slow cooker, add water, and cook on low. When they come home from work, dinner is ready."
Okay, to start...I don't think we should be calling anything that was dumped frozen out of a tub, wholesome. That's just great, the food abominations are running wild in this society, and now we're introducing a big old bucket of meat and stuff.
And why is it that Moms and Dads had no time to prepare meals anymore? As I'm aware every technological advance and invention since the beginning of time has helped to make life easier and to save time, yet it's 2008 and nobody has time to cook.
Also, slow cookers are the simplest cooking tool ever. Where's all the guesswork? Why do we need solutions for our slow cookers? Were there teams of people poisoning or burning themselves and loved ones while trying to master the art of filling a pot with ingredients and leaving it for the day?
This new product is basically trying to take the "slow" out of slow cooking. Who is in such a Goddamn hurry that they need to prepare something in seconds that they won't eat for ten hours or so? Is the whole day not enough time for a person to make one flipping meal?!
Don't worry Mr and Mrs Busy Consumer, we know you're both too busy to put any attention in the food you serve your family, so why not simmer up a tub of anonymous bits. That way you have more time to use your high speed Internet to do instant banking, or go out and use speed pay to buy more electric staplers and motorized hammocks.
Just picture fifty years down the road when people are calling up their parents:
"Hey Ma? Just thought I'd give you a ring, had a quick question for you. I wanted to make some of that Delicious Beef Stew you used to make, but I couldn't remember the recipe. What was it again? Don't worry I got a pen ready. Open....package. Uh-huh. Add....water. That's it? Oh man....water? I'm gonna have to go look for a cup. What's that? Yeah I know it's gonna take all day, but sometimes you crave that old fashioned taste, you know? We'll thanks a bunch, love you, ma. Bye."
March 9, 2008
A Crock of Clock
I'm tired today. Probably because we lost an hour last night. Thank you, daylight saving time.
What a bunch of crap that is. This whole Daylight Saving stuff is one big conspiracy. It's just another way for the man to control us. Keep us confused and distracted while Uncle Sam dips into our pockets and takes his share.
In all honesty, who is benefiting from this system? People who like to be late or early for work twice a year? Or people who love to spend an afternoon resetting all the clocks in their home. It's not even like this is a universally accepted practice; about half the world doesn't use it at all. Obviously it can't be such a good idea. Even we as a country can't decide: Manitoba observes daylight savings, but Saskatchewan doesn't.
And it's always throwing people off when they have to figure out which way the clocks will be adjusted:
Are we moving them forward or back?
What season is this? Was it fall back or fall forward? Spring back? Spring up and Fall down?
Wait, do we do this now, or tomorrow morning when we get up?
I thought it changes at midnight?
No, I heard it was two o'clock. Does it matter?
It does to me, I work the night shift. Maybe I was supposed to be there an hour ago.
What season is this? Does it say on the calendar?
What? You mean about the season, or the daylight savings time?
Uh... It says it begins today.
So do we begin by moving the time forward or back?
I don't know. It doesn't say! All it says is it begins!
Well, should we change it at midnight at the beginning of the day or at midnight at the end of the day?
I told you I think we don't change it until two o'clock!
AM or PM?
I want a divorce!
I think the best system to use, is no system at all. It's real easy to follow and you can use this simple trick to remember. First figure out what season it is, then look at a clock. That's the Goddamn time. Now move on with your life. Don't even get me started about leap year.
What a bunch of crap that is. This whole Daylight Saving stuff is one big conspiracy. It's just another way for the man to control us. Keep us confused and distracted while Uncle Sam dips into our pockets and takes his share.
In all honesty, who is benefiting from this system? People who like to be late or early for work twice a year? Or people who love to spend an afternoon resetting all the clocks in their home. It's not even like this is a universally accepted practice; about half the world doesn't use it at all. Obviously it can't be such a good idea. Even we as a country can't decide: Manitoba observes daylight savings, but Saskatchewan doesn't.
And it's always throwing people off when they have to figure out which way the clocks will be adjusted:
Are we moving them forward or back?
What season is this? Was it fall back or fall forward? Spring back? Spring up and Fall down?
Wait, do we do this now, or tomorrow morning when we get up?
I thought it changes at midnight?
No, I heard it was two o'clock. Does it matter?
It does to me, I work the night shift. Maybe I was supposed to be there an hour ago.
What season is this? Does it say on the calendar?
What? You mean about the season, or the daylight savings time?
Uh... It says it begins today.
So do we begin by moving the time forward or back?
I don't know. It doesn't say! All it says is it begins!
Well, should we change it at midnight at the beginning of the day or at midnight at the end of the day?
I told you I think we don't change it until two o'clock!
AM or PM?
I want a divorce!
I think the best system to use, is no system at all. It's real easy to follow and you can use this simple trick to remember. First figure out what season it is, then look at a clock. That's the Goddamn time. Now move on with your life. Don't even get me started about leap year.
March 2, 2008
Rebooting the Hilroy
Over the holidays I was given a Blackberry as a gift, which is cool. Not a "Hey, I just used GPS to track down my estranged father" type, but an older model that I figured I could use as an organizer. Make a few notes, keep phone numbers and addresses, that sort of thing.
Whenever I added information to my Blackberry, I always made a point of adding the same information to a notebook where I keep those sort of things. When I was doing that I had to ask myself, is this necessary? The answer is yes: because I don't trust modern technology.
Now I'm not saying that I don't like or enjoy all the fun and exciting gizmos available. Most times I love them. I just find that I can't rely on them. I'm always filled with the sense of this is too good to be true. It wasn't long ago that I would wait weeks upon weeks to get a music cassette and listen to it. Now on a whim I can acquire any song I desire in a matter of minutes and then throw it on a portable device or burn it and be listening to it wherever I want at no cost. I've talked about how fragile technology is with Ipods and computers, and the Blackberry is just another example.
I don't know when or how or why, but the thing might just stop working, or it might break, or the information might simply disappear. MP3 players, CD players, computers, Thumb drives, gaming consoles, printers, DVD players, cellphones, digital cameras, the list goes on. All these things have looked me in the eye one day, said "You know what - I quit", and stopped working. They never have the decency of showing some visible explanation for breaking- like a having an axe wound or being on fire.
I store addresses in my Blackberry, but that doesn't mean they'll be there tomorrow. So I write it down in a notebook. I've never flipped through my notebook after dropping it to find all the pages erased. I've never had to rip half the pages out of a notebook because it was infected with a virus. I've never had to buy batteries for a notebook and then yell at it because it used them up so goddamn fast. I've never had to replace the cover on a notebook because I hadn't used it a few months at it wouldn't open. And I've never had to buy a new notebook because it wasn't compatible with the ink I was using.
It seems (at least in some ways) technology hasn't matched that of paper held together with a metal coil. Are you as worried as I am?
Whenever I added information to my Blackberry, I always made a point of adding the same information to a notebook where I keep those sort of things. When I was doing that I had to ask myself, is this necessary? The answer is yes: because I don't trust modern technology.
Now I'm not saying that I don't like or enjoy all the fun and exciting gizmos available. Most times I love them. I just find that I can't rely on them. I'm always filled with the sense of this is too good to be true. It wasn't long ago that I would wait weeks upon weeks to get a music cassette and listen to it. Now on a whim I can acquire any song I desire in a matter of minutes and then throw it on a portable device or burn it and be listening to it wherever I want at no cost. I've talked about how fragile technology is with Ipods and computers, and the Blackberry is just another example.
I don't know when or how or why, but the thing might just stop working, or it might break, or the information might simply disappear. MP3 players, CD players, computers, Thumb drives, gaming consoles, printers, DVD players, cellphones, digital cameras, the list goes on. All these things have looked me in the eye one day, said "You know what - I quit", and stopped working. They never have the decency of showing some visible explanation for breaking- like a having an axe wound or being on fire.
I store addresses in my Blackberry, but that doesn't mean they'll be there tomorrow. So I write it down in a notebook. I've never flipped through my notebook after dropping it to find all the pages erased. I've never had to rip half the pages out of a notebook because it was infected with a virus. I've never had to buy batteries for a notebook and then yell at it because it used them up so goddamn fast. I've never had to replace the cover on a notebook because I hadn't used it a few months at it wouldn't open. And I've never had to buy a new notebook because it wasn't compatible with the ink I was using.
It seems (at least in some ways) technology hasn't matched that of paper held together with a metal coil. Are you as worried as I am?
February 24, 2008
Mitch & Roland: #37 Penny
Hope y'all had a fine weekend, full of good times and laughter and police intervention. But as we turn to face another week of work and *sigh* responsibility, I give you another installment of Mitch and Roland where the consumption of inappropriate things is the theme.
February 22, 2008
The People Vs. Reason.
I heard about a couple who were dining at a restaurant and got into a heated argument. It resulted in the woman throwing a drink at her boyfriend, slipping on the spill, and suing the restaurant. And somehow, in the end, she won a huge cash settlement.
Obviously any sane thinking person can see that logic was bypassed in this situation. The sad part is that it's true. I hardly see how the restaurant could be responsible for what happened. The woman spilled the drink herself; the fact that she was at a restaurant is irrelevant. She purchased the drink, so therefore she was injured by her own property. If an employee had poured her drink on the floor and then shoved her to the ground....well then you have a lawsuit.
I mean honestly, what every happened to being responsible for your own actions? The woman caused a scene, made a mess, and acted irrationally in a public setting. As I can see, the manager should have kicked her out of his establishment, but somehow he ended up having to pay her. This woman deserved a bruised ass and not a penny more.
This sort of thing is happening far too often. Let's look at this hypothetical situation. Let's say a burglar broke into your home to steal from you. Now let's say that you have a dog, and that dog attacked the intruder and bit him. That thieving person could now technically sue you. The purpose of going to court is to find justice. If a dog attacks a burglar, that's an example of justice, but in our society it's twisted into an unjust act.
If someone deliberately breaks into my home to do harm to myself or family, and then ends up getting hurt, how is that my fault? If that'll happen I might as well kill the bastard. If I stab the intruder and slip and fall in his blood, can I sue his family? Can I be compensated for missed work if I hurt my back carrying his body to a river?
It's an extreme scenario, but it fits in perfectly with the "logic" of these cases. So if you hear a commotion in the night and you go downstairs to find a criminal with a broken leg, having tripped over your coffee table in the dark, and he shouts "I'm gonna sue!", well you just calmly pick up a baseball bat and say:
"Sue? SUE!? I'll give you something to sue about!!"
Also, as a bonus, you might take a mean splinter off the bat and be able to sue baseball.
Obviously any sane thinking person can see that logic was bypassed in this situation. The sad part is that it's true. I hardly see how the restaurant could be responsible for what happened. The woman spilled the drink herself; the fact that she was at a restaurant is irrelevant. She purchased the drink, so therefore she was injured by her own property. If an employee had poured her drink on the floor and then shoved her to the ground....well then you have a lawsuit.
I mean honestly, what every happened to being responsible for your own actions? The woman caused a scene, made a mess, and acted irrationally in a public setting. As I can see, the manager should have kicked her out of his establishment, but somehow he ended up having to pay her. This woman deserved a bruised ass and not a penny more.
This sort of thing is happening far too often. Let's look at this hypothetical situation. Let's say a burglar broke into your home to steal from you. Now let's say that you have a dog, and that dog attacked the intruder and bit him. That thieving person could now technically sue you. The purpose of going to court is to find justice. If a dog attacks a burglar, that's an example of justice, but in our society it's twisted into an unjust act.
If someone deliberately breaks into my home to do harm to myself or family, and then ends up getting hurt, how is that my fault? If that'll happen I might as well kill the bastard. If I stab the intruder and slip and fall in his blood, can I sue his family? Can I be compensated for missed work if I hurt my back carrying his body to a river?
It's an extreme scenario, but it fits in perfectly with the "logic" of these cases. So if you hear a commotion in the night and you go downstairs to find a criminal with a broken leg, having tripped over your coffee table in the dark, and he shouts "I'm gonna sue!", well you just calmly pick up a baseball bat and say:
"Sue? SUE!? I'll give you something to sue about!!"
Also, as a bonus, you might take a mean splinter off the bat and be able to sue baseball.
February 20, 2008
Jump Around
I'm here now to introduce a new feature of the blog that is powered by my love for movies. I call it "Movie Math". To give a quick rundown of the rules, we shall measure each movie on a scale of 0-100 points, but begin with 50 points to keep all films on a level playing field, adding and subtracting from there based on its merits or lameness. So come with me, won't you, as we sum up the value of various films. Today we tackle Jumper.
The hero of the film is played by Hayden Christensen, a person that seems to live in a charisma vacuum and is devoid of any, if not all, personality.....- 5 points.
Samuel L. Jackson plays the villian.....+ 7 points
Jumping sequences are edited deliberately to make the action disorienting.....- 12 points.
A double decker bus was used as a projectile..... + 5 points.
The song "Jump" by the Pointer Sisters was not used..... - 6 points.
The movie will almost certainly have a sequel, and it might be called something ridiculous like "Jumper: The Jumpening" or "Jump Harder"..... - 8 points.
The protagonist, instead of doing heroic things, mostly acts like a lazy douchebag..... - 10 points.
Did I mention that Samuel L. Jackson uses an electric grappling spear thing?..... + 11 points.
Equals.....32/100
The hero of the film is played by Hayden Christensen, a person that seems to live in a charisma vacuum and is devoid of any, if not all, personality.....- 5 points.
Samuel L. Jackson plays the villian.....+ 7 points
Jumping sequences are edited deliberately to make the action disorienting.....- 12 points.
A double decker bus was used as a projectile..... + 5 points.
The song "Jump" by the Pointer Sisters was not used..... - 6 points.
The movie will almost certainly have a sequel, and it might be called something ridiculous like "Jumper: The Jumpening" or "Jump Harder"..... - 8 points.
The protagonist, instead of doing heroic things, mostly acts like a lazy douchebag..... - 10 points.
Did I mention that Samuel L. Jackson uses an electric grappling spear thing?..... + 11 points.
Equals.....32/100
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)