Remember the Titans and/or Buffalo Wings

For all you football fans out there, I would like to share a brief list of all the ways you can enhance your Superbowl Sunday. Whether it's to impress your friends as you host a party, or to simply feel closer to the powerful ballet that is footballing, this list should offer some ideas.

1. Rent a large screen television (something huge that requires furniture-movers to wear back braces) and set it up outdoors. Then watch the game from bleachers, or failing that, a rooftop.
2. Join your friends for clichéd road trip romp to see the Superbowl, which will end with you breaking into Peyton Manning's house and him catching you with a hooker in his bed. Try to be wearing a football helmet when he does.
3. While watching the game, hoot and holler in a supportive fashion. Mix it up with some whistling, booing, fist-pumping, air guitar, finger-snapping, pointing, hissing, spitting, pelvic thrusts, and 'walking against the wind'.
4. During halftime, escort your guests outdoors where you will have a small boxing ring set up. Inside the ring release a bear and a colt to fight for sporting supremacy. Place bets if possible.
5. Have your wife or significant other prepare an assortment of snacks like devilled eggs, nachos, and homemade pretzels. If you're not married ... jeez ... I dunno, cut a football in half and fill it with potato and macaroni salad.
6. Paint your body to match team colors and stand by the highway and look sad. You never know, someone might just pick you up and take you to the game out of sheer pity. And wear a cape.
7. Tackle strangers and then wish them a Merry Superbowl.
8. Take your friends bowling, and play in a super fashion or something. Then eat food out of a giant bowl, and then bowl over with laughter.
9. Find a sign in your neighborhood that says 'Superbowl XLI' and rearrange the letters to make 'We Spill Ox Rub' or 'Bull Sex. Rip! Ow!"
10. Become extremely connected to the sport and put a lot of emotional weight on the game's outcome. Whether they be tears of joy, or tears of sadness, make sure you have a good cry. That'll cleanse you physically and spiritually, and also make your thirsty for more beer. Win, win.