'Cause Sometimes You Feel Lucky

Speaking of game shows, I must say that "Deal or No Deal" is simply awful. The premise is admittedly kind of clever, but the presentation makes me sick. Here are ten things I can't stand about the show.

1) First of all, the American incarnation of this show is needless spectacle. Any little tidbit of information they can learn from the contestants becomes the theme of the show. Are they superstitious? Enjoy fishing? Collect pelican eggs? Let's celebrate your hobby! If some guy is a football fan then you can bet everything will be decorated like a stadium, the girls will be wearing helmets, and halfway through the game a famous quarterback will spring out of Howie Mandel's ass and offer a bonus prize. Most likely...football tickets.

2) Doesn't matter what's going on, it's going to be interrupted every 90 seconds by Howie announcing a commercial break. This builds pointless suspense and viewer anger.

3) The contestants are the stupidest bunch of people you could ever find. But that's just peachy 'cause this is the easiest game show invented yet. There's no physical challenges, no trivia, no time limit, no skill required whatsoever. As long as they can point and grunt out some hint of a number, they have the potential to win.

4) These mindless contestants are given free reign over the entire stage, so they can run around like hyperactive dickheads and make the show seem even more like a circus. I can't stand these greedy knobs hooting, hollering, and bounding about with their brainless family like 'Idiots on Parade'.

5) Which brings me to their family. Equally dumb and greedy family members tag along to convince the contestants to play longer and therefor lose. They don't help anything; they should stay the hell at home.

6) Everyone goes on the intent on winning a million dollars, and they act like nothing else is acceptable. That's just ignorant. The odds of winning the grand prize is so slim that they have a better chance of slipping and breaking their neck, or a family member's neck, while cartwheeling with excitement during the game. The show has never had a million dollar winner, and it never will.

7) No one gets the fact that it's a game of Goddamn chance! It's all dumb luck, but these people wont shut up about the strategy involved. There is no strategy to this game; a blender filled with numbered balls would fair equally. The only strategy is deciding when to leave, and most people screw that up.

8) Everyone is so greedy that they turn down massive figures of money (that they did not earn and don't deserve), in the hopes they'll get much more.

9) Did I mention how stupid the contestants are? Wicked dumb.

10) Finally, the villain of the show is the mysterious 'banker' who sits in the shadows making the offers. All the contestants buy into (or at least play along with) this Bad Guy character when all he represents is a calculation of the odds. They're playing against a computer, but they act like this 'man' is stealing their child's college money. "I'm taking all the Banker's money!" Right, and then you're going to play online chess with Santa Claus. Shut the hell up!