November 5, 2012

Biblical

If the Bible is so great, then why is the word "biblical" mostly used in negative ways. Most of the time when I hear this word it's being used to describe a massive natural disaster, like the recent Hurricane Sandy. Nobody describes a happy moment in their lives as biblical. You wouldn't say your wedding was biblical unless there were fire-tornados throwing frogs around. A more appropriate use of the word would be, "That new Nicki Minaj video was quite biblical."

Speaking of Nicki Minaj, aka "The Queen Bee of the Oompa Loompas", I saw one of her music videos for the first time recently. Holy hell, it was like being assaulted by bright colours and bulbous asses.

A friend who also saw the video commented, "I don't like her, she looks crazy and aggressive."

"How so?" I asked.

"Well just look at her face."

"She has a face!?" I exclaimed.

I can think of watching music videos a decade ago with friends and mocking them to no end, ranting and raving at the state of popular music. Sadly, pretty much any video I thought was over-the-top then seems tame now. Are things just going to get crazier and crazier like this forever?

Over the generations there's been a number of moments in music history that have shocked and offended people. Elvis gyrating his hips. Ozzy biting the head off a bat. Sinead O'Connor ripping up a picture of the pope. Madonna's oversexed image in the eighties. Janet Jackson's tit at the superbowl, ... etc. How many of these things seem like a big deal now?

Just wait until 2022 when some unfathomable "artist" with neon glowing hair and lazer nipples makes a music video where they literally have sex with a robot dragon made out of genitals, it will make Nicki Minaj and all those who came before her seem wholesome by comparison. If that's not what happens, it'll be something even crazier we haven't imagined yet. Something super biblical.