Cine-Verse! Modern Times (1936)

It's black and it's white, between silence and sound,
And a time when machines keep the working man down.
A tramp in a factory works hard at his job,
Then finds himself pummeled by corn on the cob
At the hands of some terrible feeding-machine.
So he goes a bit wacky and causes a scene.

Then he's thrown in the slammer for going insane,
And foils a jailbreak while high on cocaine.
Every time he gets out he wants back in the clink,
It's a cushier lifestyle, is what he must think.

So the tramp meets a girl just as homeless as he,
And they dream of a house, which fills them with glee.
To find one another is a gift from above:
An example of true hobo-sexual love.

The movie has a message that's simple and true:
Work hard for your love and love what you do.
Yes, there will be hard times every once in a while,
But buck up, don't give up, and wear a big smile.

The Refreshment Revolution

It's when I find things like this that I'm happy I investigate Asian grocery stores. This gem was hidden among the beverage cans.

Are you tired of trying to drink your peanuts without any milk? Do you find yourself longing for a refreshing can of soup with a smooth drinking taste? Then fret no longer! Introducing Milk Peanut with Soup! Is it a snack? Is it a drink? Is it a meal? Who knows!

I know what you're thinking: "Oh, but I've had plenty of milk peanut drinks in the past, what makes this peanut milk so special?"

Soup, bitch! Now you have the creamy goodness of milk, the satisfying crunch of peanuts, and the heartiness of a bowl of soup ... all in one! And it has all the four food groups in one convenient travel-ready can. Milk is your dairy, soups usually have grains and vegetables and stuff, and peanuts are the meat of the nut world.

It's the taste that's perfect for any situation. Been working out all day and need to replenish you electrolytes? Then reach for a frothy Milk Peanut with Soup. Having a party and the beer has run dry? Then tap a piping hot keg of Milk Peanut with Soup. Forgot your child's birthday? One force fed glass of Milk Peanut with Soup and all is forgiven.

It's great on toast, on your cereal, with crackers, and almost anywhere else. It's a universal drink that is tearing down the walls of beverage oppression. And it comes in a number of exciting varieties: Crunchy, Smooth, 1%, 2%, Homogenized, and Cream of Peanut.

Sure science and common sense will tell you that these flavors have no earthly business being together, but what does science really know about thirst? Who's to say that an ice cold soup with random peanuts isn't delicious? Or a choking hazard? I say drink now, ask questions later.

Milk Peanut with Soup ... It's the meal that eats like a drink.

Monday Movie Challenge - Round X

Today's game is "Sketch Theatre". If you've forgotten how to play this one: each picture is a literal depiction of the movie's title, or what the title sounds like.

If you're still stumped, click below...

Cine-Verse! Paul (2011)

Two geeks take a road trip - spaceships on their mind -
And have a close encounter of the Seth Rogan kind.
Paul makes dick jokes and references on the fly.
He's a bird-eating, bald ALF that likes to get high.

Also he's a sarcastic, wisecracking tool
In a movie that's trying too hard to be cool.
I wanted to like Paul but sadly instead,
I'd rather watch Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead.

Cine-Verse! Hanna (2011) & Your Highness (2011)

I've settled on doing the Cine-Verse thing every Friday, so feel free to stop by each week for a random rhyming review. I'll be sticking mostly to one poem at a time, while throwing in the odd Limerick Double Feature ... which is what is happening right now! Enjoy.

There once was a pale girl named Hanna,
Who was trained by her dad, Eric Bana.
In fur-based fashion,
She's a teenage assassin,
Deadly blonde like a poison banana.

If you've written a comedy turd,
To appeal to the stoners and nerds:
When shit out of luck,
Just fall back on "fuck",
Who needs wit when you've got a swear word?

No Time For Them Fancy Chapter Plays On That There Picture Box

I think that I've done well in not watching a single episode of countless popular TV series. You name a show that everyone was talking about in the last 15 years or so, and I've avoided it entirely. The problem, however, is the feeling of being left out.

The thing that aggravates me is when people tell me I "really need to watch" a particular show. I'm not mad that they're recommending something they like to me, I'm mad because they think I have that kind of time to invest. Honestly, there's a huge disparity in the time commitment involved in watching a TV series versus a movie. Watch a film for 2 hours and it's done; life moves on. Watch 2 episodes of some popular show and you're in the middle of story arc that may or may not have an ending 40+ hours down the line.

"You should really watch BLANK. The second season is a little boring, but if you stick it out the third and fourth seasons really pay off. It's amazing!"

Nobody ever recommends a show to me when it's only a few episodes in. You know why? Because nobody knows that the show is incredible yet. I'm always finding out once I'm 50 episodes behind. There's no catching up on that. Not when everyone's talking about a season finale that I'm weeks or months away from seeing.

And how am I supposed to actually go about watching it? I don't have the channels they play on, so I can't just tune in. Am I supposed to upgrade my cable package? Am I supposed to rent or buy or borrow or download a season every weekend until I'm caught up? Again, the time and money involved is potentially huge.

I do want to watch some shows. I'd like to join in on a conversation about Breaking Bad, or Mad Men, or The Walking Dead, or any number of shows friends and family rave about. Sadly these days my free hours slip by before I know what to do with them, and I don't have time for your TV shows. Not even just the first season to see if I like it. Not even on DVD without the commercials.

Sorry. I'm just lame like that.

Hunched Over a Scanner

Just a quick post to let you know that all the Mitch and Roland comic strips have been restored to their former glory. After the account transition fiasco that obliterated all the images on this blog I've been slowly piecing it all back together. I spend a good chuck of the long weekend scanning, re-sizing, tweaking, and uploading all 60+ comics.

So, check them out if you'd like to relive the memories. More are on the way. Promise.

Cine-Verse! Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

If a demon's around,

And it's after your babies

And you dog's freaking out,

And you know it ain't rabies.

It's time to get cameras,

To thwart break and enters.

And check yellow pages

For "Haunted Pool Centers".

"Did you guys see that thing?

Well, it just moved a bit.

Or maybe it didn't.

Boy, that's scary as shit."

When you have pots and pans,

Who needs blood and gore?

All you need's fishing line,

And a slow moving door.

Mitch & Roland: #62 Tape

Oh, Mitch and Roland, it's been far too long. Why must you always become lost in the void known as "procrastination"?