Strap On Incentive (No, not that)

I'm always interested, yet confused by the combination of items sold in Korean supermarkets. It's a common thing to find unusual 'bonuses' strapped to your purchases with packing tape.

At times it's just more of what you're buying: A tiny carton of milk to go with a big carton of milk, or a chocolate bar with a box of chocolates. There is sense and value in that.

But other times, it's something unexpected. Like once I received a Tupperware pitcher with a box of cereal, and last week I bought some laundry soap and it came with a model battleship to assemble. I suppose the idea was to give you something to do while you're waiting for your clothes to dry. Is this really supposed to boost sales?

"Man, I don't need any licorice. But wait a Goddamn minute, this one comes with a porcelain unicorn. Jackpot!"

It just doesn't make sense. Not like when you buy some vodka and it comes with a mini screwdriver set. That makes perfect sense. Everyone knows drunks have the most ambition to fix things.

Nobody is Everywhere!

For the last two months I've been bombarded with a hit Korean single that has pretty much overloaded the airwaves in South Korea. It's a little diddy by the Wondergirls called "Nobody".

You know how sometimes you'll get a song stuck in your head, and for days or weeks on end it keeps repeating over and over in your head? Well, that isn't happening to me. Because this song is just perpetually playing everywhere all the time anyway! If I wasn't continuously hearing the song, it might actually get stuck in my head.

I turn on the TV, it's playing. I walk down the street, it's playing. I buy groceries, it's playing. I go to the mall, it's playing. At the gym, it's playing. When I stop to eat, it's playing. It's on everyone's phone, the radio, and all the kids are singing it. I heard it four times during one meal.

If you're interested in seeing and hearing what all the hoopla is about, you can view one of the many performances. Be sure to sing along with the only English words for the chorus:

"I want nobody, nobody but you (clap, clap)
I want nobody, nobody but you (clap, clap)"*

Just thought I'd share this music phenomenon with you. Remember, if it gets stuck in your head, the only cure is to listen to it nonstop.

*At this point you should clap your hands twice, and not give someone gonorrhea twice in a row.

Mitch & Roland: #46 Vegasism

The stars say that it is time to wrap up this whole Las Vegas story arc, and get these fools back home.

The stars also say that you are likely to be attacked by a man wielding a piranha gun* during the final weeks of November. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

* If you're not sure what a piranha gun is, it's a gun with a barrel large enough to fire a piranha.

I'm the First Person to Have Read This!

Time to add to the list of things that drive me mad.

Gym Towels

I don't know if it's universal gym standard or just for the ones I've gone to, but it seems like the towels offered are beyond small. There's nothing fun about drying oneself off with a series of facecloths. Maybe they would save time and energy cleaning bins of towels if they made them a reasonable size so people wouldn't be forced to use 40 or more with each visit.

Spitters

I'll never understand the reason some people spit all over the place, as if they are constantly finding themselves with a mouthful of bird shit. I'm tired of going for walks and having to keep my eyes on the ground to navigate the minefield of loogies. Also, God forbid I'm ever eating food while outside my home, as there's nothing more wonderful that hearing someone mere feet away hacking and gargling mucus, followed by the audible sound of phlegm hitting pavement.

People Who Comment First

Why is it that every time I read the comments on a website, the first comment is always some jack-off saying "First!"? It's like some moronic trend that's swept the Internet. Are there really people scouring websites at all hours of the day and night waiting for new articles and videos to post? This isn't a friggin' race! If you have something meaningful to say, a criticism, or some praise, then write it. If your comment is only to say that you are the first person to comment, then you've said nothing, and yet still established yourself as a loser. I guess they're hoping someone will congratulate them or mail them a trophy. What I'd really like is whenever these people have a party, reunion, or wedding, the first person to show up shouts "First!" and promptly leaves. Then the next 3-4 people to arrive all argue blandly about who arrived second. Also a few people should be yelling about porn, and one guy should continuously declare everything is fake.

Slow Dancing in the Sauna

I've joined the gym recently and have been going after work. The soreness I feel now is a clear indication of how out of shape I've become in the last year.

This evening, after I finished working all my gracktoids to their limit, I hit the sauna to sweat out my remaining strength. When I entered there was a Korean gentleman lying on the floor, and he sat up as I sat on the floor. I greeted him with an "Annyong Haseyo" and that's all it took to trigger a conversation.

Well, it wasn't a real back a forth conversation, because I only know a little Korean, and he only knew a little English. But it was enough for him to talk to me enthusiastically for almost 30 minutes. He talked about his two children living in Vancouver and California, his difficult job, the expense of living and the burden of sending money to his children, his love of golf, and his interest in dance.

He was so set on conveying this interest that he got up and proceeded to dance. It was a slow waltz that he carefully performed around the sauna, dancing with an imaginary woman. He even encouraged me to follow his motions to learn the dance myself.

It was weird, to say the least. It felt as if I was suddenly part of a ridiculous sitcom where guy A needs to learn how to dance in time for the big party to impress the girl of his dreams, and guy B shows him a few moves. Then someone walks in the room and cracks a gay joke. Then the fake audience loses their shit.

Oh, Korea, what will you pull next?

Mitch & Roland: #45 Reunited

Today I ate one of the weirdest sandwiches of my life, and it was of my own doing. The ingredients were peanut butter, hash browns, onions, hot sauce, pickles, and squid. It wasn't good by any stretch, but it didn't kill me. That's the fun of sandwiches, the only thing that limits what you put between those two slices of bread is your own courage.

Let us now turn to the wacky duo and their continuing escapades.