You Spin Me Right Round

A Bar So Nice, They Named It Twice

I know I talked about this before, but now I can present photographic proof.


Yes, indeed.

Communal Food on the Freeway

The Eulogy of Tiny Tim

As we gather today to mourn the loss of our beloved Timothy Cratchit, let us not forget the small yet tiny part he played in all of our lives. The ever optimistic spirit; what he lacked in largeness, he made up for in smallness. His personality and enthusiasm was so much bigger than he. Though of course, it would have to be since he was, as you know, unthinkably small.

Though he did not have the same abilities as many of the more reasonably-sized population, he did excel at being weak and puny. Even though he walked, and sat, and ate, and moved with great difficulty, he fell down often with a natural ease. Luckily, he did not have far to fall.

He gave as us an incredible message of determination and tenacity. A message that was sometimes dwarfed by his laughable size. But Tim had a big heart. Not literally of course; his actual heart must have been astoundingly small in order to properly suit the rest of his freakishly pint-sized body. If Tiny Tim were here now, he would look upon (or straight up at) us all and say, "Do not weep for me!" Perhaps out of the fear of drowning in a flood of giant tears.

However small his physical presence was - and it was unquestionably small - we shall not forget the influence he would have had, had he been a size that was large enough to influence things. And let us remember that Tiny Tim was not just a size. He was the absence of size. In this way, the space he did not occupy was so immense you could say he was larger than all of us ... but not really.

Oh, my tiny tiny Tim! Even though you are no longer with us, and barely were for a short time, you will remain forever and ever in a minuscule section of all of our hearts.

Amen.

It Ain't Worth the Risk

This weekend I finally purchased a new digital camera after months of living in Asia without one. Now I can finally document my adventures properly with photo after terrible photo. I don't imagine I'll post many on this blog. Only if I find something really cool or hilarious. Like this one I took today of a sticker on a men's washroom door.

I can't be sure, but I believe this sticker serves as a warning to potential smokers letting them know that the stalls are patrolled by tobacco-hating crabs. If you light up on the john, you might just have your cigarette - or something more important - cut in two.

Mitch & Roland: #57 Party

The humour of bodily fluids strikes again. As you know I've done plenty of research in this field of comedy. In any case, enjoy the weekend, and do your very best to keep the things you ingest on the inside ... at least until you find a basin or an unattended bread machine.

Things I Hate: Cinema Adventures

3D Out of Control

The 3D fad is back and charging forward at full strength. And that's good news because we finally can get back to the fantastic roots of three dimensional cinema and triumphs like ... uh ... Jaws 3D? Actually, you know what? It's a gimmick, it's always been a gimmick, and until some major progress is made it's going to remain a gimmick. I want to love 3D movies, but things like G-Force, Ice Age 3, and The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience make me want to stab my own brain with tweezers. 3D movies should stay in amusement parks where they belong.

Babies At the Movies

Parents, why? Why are you bringing infants and toddlers and other wailing miniature versions of yourself to the movies? The baby doesn't know what's going on, it didn't ask to come here, and its cries are annoying you and everyone else. I don't think bringing a very young infant is appropriate for even children's movies. It's hard to know what the appropriate age is to bring your kid to their first movie (some people seem to think it's a few hours after the umbilical cord was cut), but I assert it should be when they are old enough to stay put and shut up for 90 minutes.

Pre-Movie Commercials

This has got to be one of the greatest crimes ever committed in the realm of advertising. You've paid ten dollars for a ticket, you've taken out a loan for some popcorn and twizzlers, and now you're forced to sit through a gauntlet of commercials. And I'm not talking about movie trailers. I like movie trailers, in fact I look forward to viewing them and being filled with excitement and anticipation. But no, somewhere along the line, people realized they could run commercials for cola, cars, cellphones, and people would just have to suck it up.

How bad has it gotten? Pretty bad, at least in Korea. I went and saw the movie "Up" on the weekend and decided to count the commercials before the movie. Twenty-six, my friends, twenty-Goddamn-six. Only two of those were movie trailers, and I had even gotten in a bit late, so I must've missed a few. All in all I estimate there were 30+ commercials. It was over 20 minutes of nonstop ads. I would mind less if the tickets were cheaper as a result, but that's not the case. It'll get worse before it gets better. The war is over, and we lost. We might as well tattoo product logos on our foreheads and name our children Kraft, Sony, and Gillette Fusion.