July 7, 2010

In the Heat of the Night ( I Have Violent Sweat-Mares)

ugh...

UGH!!!

It's so hot I want to puke. Now I know why they call it the dog days of summer; because I want to roll over and play dead.

The last 5 days have been some kind of hell. My apartment has no air circulation, no AC, and no ice filled wading pool. If I walk around outside in the scorching heat, I have no incentive to go home because I know it's another 5-10 degrees hotter indoors. I don't even know what that is with the humidity.

I can't sleep at night. I just lie in a pool of my own sweat. If I do ever fall asleep I wake up suffocating and frantically clawing at my clothes to remove them. Then I realize that I'm naked. And I'm sorry for putting that image in your head.

In any case, I'm upset and tired. There's just no way to be properly rested when you have to sleep in the equivalent of a sauna on fire. I should probably buy an air conditioner, but I don't have the money. I blew it all on iced tea and iced tea stock.

I bought a fan today, which now brings my fan total up to .... two. I figure I could double my chances of not dying that way. I know that the heat and lack of sleep has been making me crazy and/or stupid, and I have proof. While I was carrying my new fan home I stopped in at a bakery and left the fan near the door while I perused the bread. Moments later, as I was walking around the bakery I happened to glance over to the door and I saw the fan in its box and the first thing that popped into my head was: Jeez! Why don't these stupid store owners go ahead and use their freaking fan? It's hot enough in here. What's wrong with them?

Yes, that's right. In less than one minute I had forgotten that it was MY fan I had left by the door. Not only that, I got pissed off at people I don't even know over it. I'm such a moron. You see what the heat is doing to me?! It's making me aggressively stupid!

I hope I never become lost in a desert. You'll find me dead after an hour from wrestling a cactus.

3 comments:

kingshearte said...

Oh my god, I hear you. You could have vision quests in my apartment. We suffered through two nights of exactly what you described, and then took my parents up on their offer to stay at their place. And thank god.

If you can make it through tonight, I think it's supposed to get marginally better soon.

RyHoMagnifico said...

We've been enjoying the same kind of weather here the last few days. Nasty, humid heat. The last two nights have been hell for me.

I'm currently sleeping with two fans and the window open. There isn't much cool air out there, but it's slightly cooler than the apartment.

I had a vicious sweatmare - as you've dubbed them - the other night. I found myself on my couch and I don't remember going to sleep there, but I had a fan, so I must have stumbled there in my heat coma.

cole d'arc said...

as Canadians we enjoy complaining about the cold but it's clear that about 99% of us just aren't meant for enduring heat. i still love summer though and won't wish these days away.