The Olympics continue, and for a long while I was concerned that the Canadian athletes had packed up and gone home. But luckily, some medals have been won. Really the 2008 Olympics should be titled "United States vs. China" but I'm not going to complain. Canada still has a chance to catch up. Although, it may involve cheating, inventing new events, and competing alone.
As I'm sure you've heard, during the opening ceremonies the starring young girl mimed the performance because the actual girl singing (7 year old Yang Peiyi) was deemed as having too fat a face and crooked teeth. That's sad. I thought the Olympics were about promoting goodwill, and celebrating diversity and human achievement. Apparently, having a beautiful singing voice isn't enough to win the hearts of our vain world. If this is how things work, why aren't ugly athletes aren't told to stay home?
Anyway, the Olympics have a long history of controversy. Here's a list of some athletes and the shocking reasons they were disqualified from competing:
- Weightlifter Vladimir Chistyakov, discovered to be millions of fire ants in a rubber human suit.
- Gymnast Hana Madsen, was secretly pumped full of helium to maximize airtime.
- Swimmer Derek O'Conner, found to have concealed small outboard motor in ass.
- Javelin Thrower Yasser Farhoud, exceeded limit of two cyborg limbs.
- Diver Samantha Haine, traces of Tylenol found in bloodstream. Performance enhanced by lack of headache.
- Runner Joshua Lamaze, use of flamethrower.
- Volleyball player Ieva Tampaki, hair did not meet regulation standards for bounce and sheen.
- Cyclist Anthony Ecker, using bike that was actually a horse painted to resemble a bike.
- Boxer Robert White, thumped fists together and growled "Hulk smash!".
- Swimmer Misaki Yamamoto, disqualified for having trained harder than was necessary.
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