I'm the First Person to Have Read This!

Time to add to the list of things that drive me mad.

Gym Towels

I don't know if it's universal gym standard or just for the ones I've gone to, but it seems like the towels offered are beyond small. There's nothing fun about drying oneself off with a series of facecloths. Maybe they would save time and energy cleaning bins of towels if they made them a reasonable size so people wouldn't be forced to use 40 or more with each visit.

Spitters

I'll never understand the reason some people spit all over the place, as if they are constantly finding themselves with a mouthful of bird shit. I'm tired of going for walks and having to keep my eyes on the ground to navigate the minefield of loogies. Also, God forbid I'm ever eating food while outside my home, as there's nothing more wonderful that hearing someone mere feet away hacking and gargling mucus, followed by the audible sound of phlegm hitting pavement.

People Who Comment First

Why is it that every time I read the comments on a website, the first comment is always some jack-off saying "First!"? It's like some moronic trend that's swept the Internet. Are there really people scouring websites at all hours of the day and night waiting for new articles and videos to post? This isn't a friggin' race! If you have something meaningful to say, a criticism, or some praise, then write it. If your comment is only to say that you are the first person to comment, then you've said nothing, and yet still established yourself as a loser. I guess they're hoping someone will congratulate them or mail them a trophy. What I'd really like is whenever these people have a party, reunion, or wedding, the first person to show up shouts "First!" and promptly leaves. Then the next 3-4 people to arrive all argue blandly about who arrived second. Also a few people should be yelling about porn, and one guy should continuously declare everything is fake.