June 22, 2009

Good Morning, Body Pudding

Sally woke up and went to the bathroom to get ready for work. She washed her face with her favorite honey and oat facial scrub, then grabbed her toothbrush.

After brushing her teeth with cinnamon toothpaste, then using her citrus mouthwash and mint floss, she hopped in the shower. She washed her long dark hair with oatmeal brown sugar shampoo and then a vanilla cream conditioner. After rinsing her hair she cleansed her body with banana and pear body yogurt and then a series of strawberry, olive, and papaya shower gels.

Out of the shower and dried, she proceeded to moisturize herself with a slew of lotions, creams, and balms. Wild cherry for the body, peppermint for the feet, coconut for the hands, and strawberry for the lips. She then sprawled out in a wading pool filled with aloe for her daily soak, while a team of servants rubbed her naked body with pineapple rings and applied a rich satsuma glaze.

After breaking free of the satsuma shell she rolled around on a pile of pumpkin innards, cranberries, and goat milk while the servants flung handfuls of almond extract in her direction. Once the thrashing concluded Sally dove down a Slip 'n' Slide coated with mango body butter and slammed into a pile of tree oils, seaweed, and vitamin E.

Later, as she exited her apartment feeling revitalized and youthful, she was devoured by a group of hungry joggers.

5 comments:

RyHoMagnifico said...

The joggers probably gurgled on ad nauseam about how "low-fat" she was while they sprinted to the nearest organic food store to whip up a delicious vegetable stir-fry.

I can imagine them following this up with Martini Monday and a long chat about Perez Hilton's latest blog.

Sam said...

Delicious.

Anonymous said...

Organic food is perfect for when you feel like paying twice as much for food that is as tasty as mulch.

cole d'arc said...

dude, that story turned me on so much.

Anonymous said...

Mission Accomplished.