I woke up the other day with a muscle cramp in my chest. What does that mean? I've gotten these things in my legs before and all I can do is stretch my leg out and cry like a girl. But when you get one around the bottom of your rib cage because you slept in a bad position folded up in thirds, what do you do? Ask someone to grab both your arms from behind and kick you in the back? I must be incredibly out of shape. Time to do a hundred crunches before bed without stretching.
I need to obtain a more active lifestyle, but I often end up doing something wrong and hurting myself. Long time readers of my blog will know that on one of the only attempts I made to play basketball, I broke my finger. I'm afraid that if I take up jogging both of my knees will explode.
Plus I need to quit with all the eating and such. No more Cheeto sandwiches for breakfast, and no more pie eating contests in the middle of the night. It'll be baby steps.
It's not my fault that I've gotten fatter since coming back to Canada. It's not my fault that every holiday is centered around eating until you get chest cramps. It's not my fault that every commercial when the sun goes down is advertising salty, greasy food porn. It's not my fault this society and culture is made up of a bunch of gravy gorging ogres who stomp their foot once for super-size, and rev their electric mobility carts twice for extra cheese.
That reminds me... KFC's Double Down burger is just one more step towards the apocalypse we all know is coming. We are this close to McDonald's introducing a sandwich with the meat of nine different animals called the Zoo Burger.
Where was I? I'm a victim here! It's not my fault that something something angry words! Since I buy, cook, and consume the food that makes me fat, am I really to blame? Well, yes actually. That's exactly what it means.
Wow! I think I've realized something really important; I've finally begun to accept the fact that I'm the source of my own pain and lifestyle of excess. A breakthrough of this magnitude deserves a reward.
**slaps taco out of own hand**
NO! Bad Shane!
2 comments:
"We are this close to McDonald's introducing a sandwich with the meat of nine different animals called the Zoo Burger."
I'm still waiting on a McDoodls sandwich with the meat of 1 animal.
Well played, Throaty, well played.
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