February 27, 2011

I'm The Only Academy That Matters

I hope you're all geared up for the biggest day of television of the year. The Oscars! Dust off your top hat, put on some pants, and get ready for 9 hours of televised trophy exchanges.

Look, I could sit here and mock the Oscars for being stupid, long, and pointless (I can't deny that it's all three), but I have to admit that I look forward to it each year. Movies are such an important part of my life that I can't help but watch and get excited when a movie I like wins, and get pissed off when a movie I like loses.

This is one of the few instances in which I can relate to a sports fan. I'm always baffled at how people can invest so much time and emotion into the outcome of a game played by people they have no real connection to or influence over. But then I find myself tense that a movie I had no part in making may or may not win a meaningless gold statue in a contest I couldn't vote for at an award show I will never attend.

Despite this, I will be watching tonight and I've made my guesses for each category. I usually end up making two lists; the ones I think will win, and the ones I want to win. I'm usually pretty good at guessing the ones that will win, but each year I'm left aghast at some of the Academy's selections (Sandra Bullock winning Best Actress for The Blind Side, Jesus Hand-basket Christ). Just for fun, here are my picks for the three biggest awards of the night.

Best Actor I think will go to Colin Firth for "The King's Speech", but I would like to see James Franco win for "127 Hours". Both great performances based on real people overcoming difficult circumstances, though I think a speech impediment is trumped by sawing off your own arm with the equivalent of a dull butter knife.

Best Actress will go to Natalie Portman for "Black Swan" and that's exactly what I would like to see. Though, for this category it's really bizarre that Hailee Steinfeld from "True Grit" didn't make the list and somehow got stuck on the Best Supporting Actress list. If you've seen "True Grit" (and you most definitely should), you know that Hailee Steinfeld owned that film and she was not part of the supporting cast; she was the goddamn main character. But what are you going to do? The Academy is kind of retarded.

I've seen 7 of the 10 nominees for Best Picture and I think it will go to "The Social Network", but I would much prefer "Black Swan" or "True Grit" to win. Not to say that I disliked "The Social Network", I just enjoyed some of the others a lot more.

Well those are my picks. Tonight we'll see if my team wins. And if not, I plan to be elbow-deep into a plate of nachos to ease the pain.


3 comments:

cole d'arc said...

i think colin firth did win. beyond that, i have no idea. i also don't care at all and didnt watch a nanosecond of the show. i love movies too but i just don't know how to care about a bunch of celebrities patting each other on the back.

you know i'm not the type of person to go around guilting everyone over buying certain brands or eating this or that screaming stuff like "there's people starving in Africa!" but the oscars....yeah. THERE'S PEOPLE STARVING IN AFRICA!! WHAT A COLOSSAL WASTE OF ENERGY AND MONEY JUST SO WE CAN WATCH A BUNCH OF "STARS" PARADE AROUND ON A RED CARPET, SMILE AT TERRIBLE JOKES AND GIVE THEMSELVES STUPID LITTLE STATUES!!! amen.

Shane said...

Yeah I agree that the Academy Awards are a huge waste of money, but lots of things are. And since they have no plans on stopping, and even if they did no money will be diverted to Africa, I think I can sacrifice one evening a year to watch some meaningless bullshit for the spectacle of it all. That's right, I'm part of the problem. lol

I commend you on your ability to avoid the whole thing. I was surprised when you won the oscar for Least Amount of Oscars Watched, but it made sense that you didn't show up to receive the award, so Billy Crystal did on your behalf.

cole d'arc said...

i may hate the oscars but that billy Crystal is one class act.