Today marks the epic global holiday known as my birthday. 28 years ago today the Awesomeness Index read off the charts as I was birthed. Some say that a high frequency electromagnetic concussive blast occurred at the moment I entered this world and that everyone in the hospital suffered injuries from the "shock wave of wicked". The doctor himself was blinded from staring too long into the epicenter of the event. He regrets nothing.
If you wish to celebrate the day in true Shane-like fashion, please follow this traditional 3 step plan:
Step One: Be so awesome it fucking hurts.
Step Two: Shotgun a beer. Then shotgun a birthday cake.
Step Three: Pluck a star from the night sky and feed it to a panther. Then fight the panther to get it back.
Have fun!
1 comment:
sorry i missed your birthday, douche.
i will rape a cake in your honour. yeah, i rape stuff now.
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